Positively Organic

Note to Future Self

2012-01-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

It's no secret.

I could really have done without last year and nearly everything that happened in it. Health problems rained down, pain moved in, and then I made some bad decisions. Some of those bad decisions included absurd amounts of pretzel M&Ms and Dr. Pepper.

Recap:
January: Recovering from hysterectomy, bladder spams
March: Herniated disks in my neck freaked the frak out, injured foot
April: Lost sensation in my right hand due to neck injury, steroid shots
August: The ear pain begins and my herniated disks freak out again, more shots
September: Shots didn't work, so more, different shots
December: Finally get relief from acupuncture for ear pain (due to TMJ) only to have it come back over Christmas break.

And now, finally my ear has responded again to acupuncture and I am off the muscle relaxers, pain meds, and nerve meds. I actually never went back on the pain stuff when the pain came back over Christmas - I just can't trust myself to come back from that deep, dark place - but I did end up taking a lot of nerve meds to try and compensate for it. It left me wiped out. Also, fat. The nerve meds kill/numb my taste buds (impaired my judgement) and pretty much the only thing I could still taste was chocolate.

So I ate a lot of it. And it cost me about 25 pounds.

It wasn't until my daughter tried on a dress I bought two summers ago and it looked great on her, that I realized how far I'd come from there. How far I'd come from feeling the best I ever have to the exact opposite.

Even just this past June I was still in okay shape--not that shape means everything. Mentally, though, I am not the same. I have been the Whipping Boy for Pain for the past five months and I let it get the best of me. And you want to know something? Even with all those medicines in my system, I still felt awful.

Given the choice between hurting or feeling crappy and not giving a damn about pretty much anything, Self, next time do us all a favor and just deal with the pain.

RESOLVED: Get in the best shape of my life again and this time really enjoy it.

Is anyone still out there? What do you resolve?

New Year's Eve

2011-12-29T22:39:00.000-07:00

I adore her voice, and she looks ready to ring in the new year with that tiara. Enjoy!

My Acupuncturist

2011-12-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

Nina runs Healing Points Acupuncture and Neuro Feedback. She is one of the most compassionate, intuitive people I know, and she is very good at what she does. Your insurance might even cover acupuncture; call and find out.

I have been free from my ear pain for two weeks now. A few weeks ago, I felt like it would never end (four months is a very long time to hurt). Today she treated my lower back, and it feels so much better. Don't be afraid of the needles; they are just tiny little things.

She has performed western and traditional acupuncture on me. My favorite (and probably most painful/effective) treatment was for headaches. It only hurt for a moment, and my headache was gone by the time I got home.

Note to self: call Nina first next time. I'm spreading the gospel of Nina and her acupuncture. If you try it, please let me know how it worked for you. You can schedule your own appointment by calling her office at 801 376-4527

Acupuncture for TMJ and NAET allergy treatment - It's a Christmas Miracle

2011-12-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I don't pull out alternative medicine as a front line approach, especially considering the luck I've had with it.

One of my friends has a Master's in Chinese Medicine and happens to live a few neighboring towns over. When my ear was still giving me grief, but before I resorted to going back on pain medication, I called her up and asked her if she'd treated TMJ.

She had and said so far she'd had 100% success in relieving the pain and ringing associated with TMJ. That was all I needed to hear, and even though I remain the biggest skeptic of all, she'd offered me hope. After the very first treatment, the pressure and pain in my face felt intense, but by that evening I was almost pain-free without medication of any kind.

That was 10 days ago. I still have occasional stabbing pain in my ear, but it is amazing what a break from constant pain can do. I feel almost human again. The popping and fullness in my ears is nearly gone. She is also treating me for nerve pain in the tooth next my oral surgery site (it would be nice to avoid and root canal and stop funding the private islands of dentists). I have been able to go grocery and Christmas shopping, go on dates with Mr. O and even (gasp!) cook.

I wish I'd thought of seeing her back in August when this whole thing started. Who knows, maybe we'd have saved enough to take the whole family to Hawaii instead of pouring money into the pit that is my mouth.

Anyway, Nina is wonderful and intuitive and I highly recommend her acupuncture clinic. I'm happy to give you her contact info if you'd like to see her.

She is also treating Nicole and I for allergies via the NAET protocol.

I know.

I'm an even bigger skeptic when it comes to this treatment, but I've read up on it. Even though my brain says there's no way it should work, I've already seen how it does. Have you heard of NAET? Would you consider trying it? Would you use alternative medicine?

For your listening enjoyment (different, but lovely):

Sideways Bottom

2011-12-07T12:22:00.000-07:00

I haven't just hit bottom with all this ear pain, I've hit sideways bottom. As in my lower-half (bottom) is getting more and more sideways. I've decided that the only thing worse than feeling the pain is to feel all tired and muffiny on top of everything. Or muffin-toppy. So I'm quitting my medicinal helpers and getting back down to the business of being fit and healthy. Join me, won't you?

This rice bag and I are the best of friends these days. I heat it up, put it on my pillow, make a little hollowed-out spot for my ear to rest in and then...I lay down and the spikes coming out of my eyeball recede ever so slightly.

My friend and doula made it for me as a gift when I had Ellie. Who knew that six years (and a few mended rips) later it would still bring me comfort?

In the garden, there's a row of peppers still waiting to be yanked out by their stems. I've resisted pulling them out so that I can photograph their hunched-over spines. I'm sympathetic to these peppers. I know how they feel, and somehow pulling them out after they're all used up seems to hit too close to home. I feel like a bit of traitor using them like that. We won't talk about me putting them in salsa to swim with mangoes...that's entirely different.

I have enough photos for my month of sunsets, but I don't want to post them as that will feel like a sunset on my sunset photos. It's a conundrum, I tell you.

So I didn't ruin Christmas after all

2011-11-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

Ty has a chest cold.

That means no surgery for him.

At least not yet

We'll likely not get a new date until April.

Which stinks because he will be in a lot of pain until then.

But, I guess this means that his Christmas won't be spent in a body cast...

So there's that.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Confession Time

2011-11-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

Right here, this is where I tell you that I believe in my kids. I believe in them enough to let them learn their own lessons. (Insert small, random diatribe here. Please note my self-restraint). Who's with me? How do you lean? Do you tend to direct/save your kids or let them feel natural consequences (good and bad) while the stakes are relatively small? (Just so we're clear, I don't mean stuff like letting them run out in the street when they're toddlers). Does anyone know what I mean? Am I talking to myself? Preaching to the choir? Also, why does it feel like I'm yelling?

Tonight, Ellie came in looking like a shepherd with a golden headdress. I asked her who she was and she came right back with, "Little Yellow Riding Hood."

In other news, Mr. O has taken Thanksgiving matters into his own hands (my, how I do love him) and we will have traditional turkey day fare. Maybe I will even make pie. I mean there's still 15 hours before dinner tomorrow, why rush things? In related news, if you have a spare pie I know of a good home.

P.S. It's true, I didn't take all the photos on the last post. My kids have good eyes too. I love that they look at the small things in life too. Guess I have taught them something after all.

It's all downhill from here

2011-11-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

At least, that is what I'm telling myself. On Monday, I had the worst migraine I can imagine and it only crushed half of my head. I thought I was going to die because maybe I'd had an aneurysm, but I was too embarrassed to go to the hospital because what could they do? I'd used every weapon in my arsenal and the only thing left was a route I didn't want to take.

So that sucked. (I'm not even going to apologize for saying suck, because it sucked with a capital S-U-C-K). But it's all good because I woke up on Tuesday.

Some of these photos are months old by now, but I love this shot from my son's first high school date dance~

And this sunset~

And basically, all things red this time of year~

I wake up every day wondering if things will be better.
Sometimes they are. And sometimes they're not.

But really what counts, is that I'm surrounded by people on whom I can count.

People who love me even if they don't understand--even if I can't understand what the hell is going on. Why must it always "never rain, but it pours"?

Soon Ty will need to count on me, and I'm hoping I've got one more in me. He's having major surgery the week after Thanksgiving. Major, major surgery. As in sporting a body cast for 6-8 weeks after, major surgery. He will be okay, as he always is. He is a fighter and mostly he doesn't complain.

He is a fabulous example to me. I love that kid. I love all my kids. Lately, I don't think I'm good enough at letting them know. Pain is a thief. It robs you of normal you. You put so much energy into coexisting with it that it leaves you worn out, a shell of your former self.

To shell with that, I say. I've got cookie dough to make and eat with the kids. There is no way I have it in me to make Thanksgiving happen, but we can still make memories.

We can enjoy the ride.

And Now.... For Something Completely Different

2011-11-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

This past week, on Wednesday, The Utah Schools for the Deaf and Blind - Deafblind Services Division came to our church's youth group and provided a unique opportunity for the 90 or so youth to experience a little of what it's like to deal with deafblindness. My son, Tyler, has to live with this disability every day. So, really, this simulation's purpose was to help them understand a little bit what it's like to be in Tyler's shoes.

We divided into three groups to make it more manageable. Then each group (of about 30 people) was counted off into two groups. One group of 15 teens donned earplugs, two eye masks, and heavy headphones for impairing their senses of vision and hearing.

In the hallway, the other group of fifteen were told how they should treat the impairees. The impaired youth were led around the building carefully and maneuvered around obstacles. Then they were given tasks to do and snacks to eat - all with respect.

Then, the tables were turned; the guides then put on their own set of sense-impairing earplugs/headphones and masks while the former impairees were instructed how to treat those who had taken their place. They led them around roughly, dragging them and then leaving them alone for a moment. Their faces were tickled by feathers, hand sanitizer put in their hands, and they were given a different set of tasks to complete as well as a different snack.

Afterwards, we discussed the experience and what it was like for them to experience this small degree of deaf-blindness. The youth were asked to come up with one word that described how they felt during the experience, these are a few of their answers:

ALONE
SCARED
MAD
FRUSTRATED
VULNERABLE

In some small way they were able to appreciate how hard it is to feel these things, and how important it is to respect those with disabilities. During this experience Tyler experienced his usual aversion to church and tried to throw up in order to get out of being there.

We discussed Tyler's likes and dislikes, gave a brief background of the challenges he's faced, and then discussed ways they could interact with him. If nothing else, our main goal was for them to have a greater compassion for those with disabilities and to see them as real people just like them.

Later, Mr. O ran into one of the youth's parents at our local store, and they related something their daughter had observed. She said, "When we see Ty again...when we've died...he will recognize us and know that we helped him and served him."

There are plans for the kids to come over and take turns hanging out with Ty while he is in his body cast (surgery is the Monday after Thanksgiving), and it warms my heart to see them "seeing" him differently. Tyler is not someone to be feared because he is differently-abled, rather he is someone to love and learn from.

He loves the same books, music, and junk food that they do. He is more like them than they ever realized.

I look forward to having these kids in our home, giving of their time and talents to help Ty through what is going to be a very difficult recovery. People are very, very good.

My thanks to those from USDB who gave of their time to help this simulation happen.

The Place Between

2011-11-01T02:08:00.005-06:00

There is a strange tango between strength and weakness: something I like to call streakness. The two seem to go hand in hand--muscle fibers must first be torn down in order for them to rebuild, repair and become stronger. Or they can sit unused and atrophy. Or maybe be used just enough to maintain their current abilities.

But this isn't a post about muscles, this is about being weak and strong at the same time and a willingness to confess it. Just two weeks ago, on one of the most difficult days I've had so far (and believe me there have been plenty) with physical, mental and emotional pain cascading into a personal Niagara Falls, I started off an email to a friend and it read, in part:

Just today, when I awoke with the ice pick once again excavating my inner ear, and all my pain (neck, ear, back - to say nothing of the heartache) came rushing back in a torrent after only a few days' break, I wanted nothing more than to drag myself to the kitchen and search out my very large bottle of nerve pills, and an even larger glass of water. I wanted to swallow those pills one by one until they were gone (all 90 of them) because the feeling of release of utter nothingness, even the idea that such a thing could exist is just so damn tempting - but then, then I would miss things. Oh how I would miss-

*that feeling of nestling in with my husband at night, our conversations drifting between us until his breath slips into a familiar rhythm and I am alone (although not truly) with my thoughts in the dark of the early morning hours

*Ellie's hugs right after school, her eyes still wide with excitement as she recounts her every discovery. And, of course, the planning of tomorrow's hair and "outfit."

*Reading Nicole's stories-creations I could never begin to dream up, and watching the ebb and flow that is sisters at play. The way she suddenly takes us off guard with her ability to be silly.

*Michelle's playfulness, the way she includes everyone, enjoys teaching, and that spark that lights in her when she's really connecting, sharing her world with me...bordering that line between teen and young adult.

*Spielberg's eye for capturing images - whether snapshots of time through film or writing, graphic design or painting...his is an eye that can see what is really there. And then there is the fact that he can make us all laugh.

*Ty, who has plenty of people who love him--more than I could ever count--who would step up and coordinate everything that goes into making sure everything runs smoothly so that he can savor the most enjoyment possible out of a life that has known pain far greater than mine.

****
That desire, that confession to have my physical, mental, and emotional pain be over, that is my weakness. The desire to stick around purely for selfish reasons is another (there are far better candidates out there for the mother of my children), but! the fact that I am still here writing this out, maybe this is a small strength. Maybe each word is a bird of pain that will flap it's wings and be gone from me . . .

And what will be left in it's place is Streakness: a bit of something weak, with a desire to become something bigger, better, stronger and more beautiful. Maybe one day, it will even be Strength.

All I know is these birds can't stay here locked up inside me any longer or they will carry me off.

I want to know from you, can you identify with this concept of streakness?

The hills are alive with the sound of camping....

2011-10-24T00:18:00.000-06:00

That is one of the lines from a skit we did at girls' camp one year. It was a clever parody of the Sound of Music. We were the Bra-strap family. I know, I know it just gets worse from there so I'll spare you the details.

We took the kids camping this weekend with another family, and excepting Ellie they have children the same ages as we do (although they have some older children and one 10 year old). We had a great time! I got to see some wicked dutch oven cooking and learned a sneaky way to get my kids to eat more veggies.

My ear/jaw/head thing was okay our first night up there, but it had me crying "Uncle!" the next day. I feel that things are slowly changing, and that maybe one day I will actually be free from ear pain. (oh please, oh please). This is the new bite thing I get to wear that makes me speak through clenched teeth and turns me into a slobbermouth. Oh yeah, who's the cool mom now?

It's strange, because even though my hearing hasn't been physically affected, it's much harder to understand people and follow what they're saying. I feel like I really have to concentrate to hear them over the pain. Not that the pain makes a sound, it is just there - always there, and it wants my attention all the time. So I distract myself:

I color or I suck on chocolate. I am now accepting muumuu donations of every kind. See also: Hershey aerated chocolate kisses, Pretzel m&ms, and Dr. Pepper.

Meanwhile, I will be sitting here perfecting my coloring skills and occasionally folding the laundry.

The saga continues, but is maybe not a sequel having

2011-10-18T21:36:00.001-06:00

So Yoda-speak am I.

I just realized that...huh...strike that (everyday I'm shufflin' (oh come on, you thought of that song too (even though it's not exactly the same words))); I can't remember what I just realized. I'm sure it was something very profound.

I haven't written for awhile - like 2 weeks which is forever, I know. In that space, I've had my wisdom tooth yanked by an oral surgeon. The dentist who did the crown and root canal originally had said he would do it for free. Except guess what? Oral surgeons go to an additional 3 years of school specializing in in extractions, bone grafts, and implanting screws.

Only Oral surgeons aren't free. So guess what? Our trip to Hawaii is in my mouth this year. Every. last. dime. Because even though I was a star patient and had healed further along at one week out than most people, the pain came raging back four days after surgery. And, (this is not Mr. O's favorite part) we still get to pay for the original root canal and crown that had to be yanked. Joy!

I broke down and finally called the TMJ guy even though I'd been told I didn't present as a classic TMJ patient. And guess what? I SO AM a classic TMJ case. And out of 6 levels (6 being the worst), mine presents as a 2ish. A two as in 80-90% fixable. A 2 as in why didn't I just go to him first? Except that I did have pain in my wisdom tooth with percussion (when they tapped it with something metal - just typing that makes my mouth hurt again), so it had to come out because it meant the tooth had cracked or the root canal was leaking. The theory was that since the roots were so close to the nerve there was either inflammation or infection from the root canal.

The TMJ doctor said the reason I had a day of relief after the steroids my primary care doctor gave me versus the kind my dentist gave me is because they had a stronger anti-inflammatory in them. Most of this is technical junk that is boring, but I'm recording it so that I won't forget. Basically my jaw is slammed up against my eustachian tube when my mouth is closed, and that is why I have the ICE PICK feeling in my ear drum.

Finally! an explanation.

I asked him, "So technically, I'd feel better if I walked around with my mouth wide open all day." He laughed and said I would for a bit but I'd create other problems. I had no idea how many scans and tests and electrode things they do for TMJ. I snuck some pictures on my phone when they were out of the room. I felt just like a secret agent, except without all the cool gadgets - just a cellphone camera.

They also took a bunch of impressions of my mouth and their lab made a thing to hold my jaw forward. Except I just got the thing, and boy is it ever not sexy (it makes me sound like I have a tongue piercing).

Not that I think it should be, but I have to talk through clenched teeth or else I end up biting my tongue or my cheek. "We are creating new muscle memory," the doctor said, "it will take time."

Good Heavens, I've got loads of that. I'll vlog it for you so you can see how awesome it is.

Grateful Gertie

2011-10-03T10:52:00.002-06:00

Doesn't Gertie sound like the name of someone who could be your favorite aunt? I need to invite her over more often. At least the Grateful part.

Thank you for your support, it really does get me through. I tried to respond to each of you, but some of you don't leave behind an email trail...just know I'm extremely grateful to each of you for your words of encouragement.

So we've established that lately I've gotten especially good at laying around, directing affairs from from the couch/bed, and generally being a lump. In fact if one could get paid for this, I'm sure I'd be somewhere in the six figures range...I'm that good.

In the beginning, I was able to go shopping and plan menus in my head... at least in the morning. Then dinner time would roll around and the not taking of pain management materials (in order to be able to be mom-ly ish) would catch up to me. I was spent, my focus lost, and emergency calls were made to Mr. O and take-out was brought in.

The poor children. Poor Mr. O. Perfectly good fixings were in the fridge and yet I think I managed only one cooked meal per week these past 2 months (and that's being generous); some of those even came out of bags in the freezer or boxes in the pantry (yes, Kraft dinner) but! they were made at home so that sort of counts, right? Right?! But mostly the meat and veggies purchased with Monday Morning's Optimism were left to become Sunday's Stash of Stench and Stank.

I felt so guilty about it (the complete waste and stinking mess) that I would stealthily freeze the rotten meat so we wouldn't completely offend our neighbors and then put them in the garbage under cover of darkness for Monday's pick-up. Wash. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I suck. I know. The first step is acceptance. Right? Also, I've stopped grocery shopping altogether. As far as I know, cold cereal and frozen pizza never killed anyone.

Just a handful of some of the things it takes to keep me somewhat functioning. Those yellow pills are what is keeping me from chucking myself in the green garbage bins for a Monday morning pick-up myself. The doctor has now doubled my dose in an effort to calm the nerve to my middle ear the freak down. Cross your fingers that it works.

I did manage to make two birthday cakes of freaking awesome: See also Zucchini Chocolate Cake.

AND! My sister and a friend were my designated drivers for two days of redecorating madness.

We sold the green beast to a sorority girl who was so cute and tiny I want to adopt her or at least keep her in my pocket. We also sold the tapestry clam-shell chairs and started with a clean slate. Want to know the secret for selling on ksl.com or craigslist? List the price as $0 and say make me an offer. We sold everything for the price we originally had in mind, but didn't get a single call until we listed the price as "make me an offer".

I am in love. This room feels comfortable even though it is a complete switch for me. I am not a person who likes blue. At all. So I guess I've been converted. I have never made decorating decisions so quickly, but it helps to have someone along with an eye for potential. The only thing left is to figure out is the ottoman. Could I maybe tackle recovering the existing beat-up ottoman? What do I have to lose?

Things seem to be getting better in the pain department, but it is hard to know if we are covering up a problem or solving it. I'll keep you posted. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rip out the rest of the garden with this week's batch of Monday Morning's Optimism.

The Things We Cannot Change

2011-09-28T18:50:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here on my bed with puffy eyes-the remnants from yesterday's ugly cry. I am an intense person. I know this about myself, and yet I still let it get the better of me sometimes.

I've been dealing with mystery ear pain as well as a broken foot and a flare-up from the herniated discs in my neck for about 8 weeks. The ear pain is intense, as though I have an ice pick twisting into my ear drum. In that 8 weeks, I've had exactly one and a half days of no ear pain. With medication, I'm afforded, at most, 2 1/2 hours of relief.

On Monday I finally found out what may be causing it. I also found out that it could cost upwards of $3500 to fix it and even then will likely cause some permanent nerve damage to my face. It may not even fix the ear pain, but intensify it. Oh swell, it could be worse. That's when I lost it.

Well, not exactly then. I waited until a friend--one who "knew" something was up, texted me and asked if I needed to go for a walk--came over. I lasted about 10 minutes. A lot of crap has been coming to a head, and lately I haven't been the easiest person to be around.

We drove to her house and I sat there taking in the view of the entire valley and I cried, and hiccoughed, spilled my frustrations and generally felt sorry for myself. Then she took me home.

My poor husband; I ugly cried to him too. Then I locked myself in the bathroom.

I just want to be me. I ripped off my hoodie and threw it to the ground. The me before all this pain. Off came my shirt. The me before cancer and a breaking-down body. I tore off my sports bra and threw it at the mirror.

I want to be the me before stupid neck injections. I fumbled with my shoe laces through teared-up eyes. The me before all this pain. I wiped my face with the back of hand and kicked my shoes into the closet - the one my where my husband had found me passed out, half-naked just the night before because I'd taken an accidental extra dose. I think. I don't even know how it happened.

I just want to be the me I can't even remember anymore. I ripped off my yoga pants and stood there naked in front of the mirror. Sobbing. I leaned forward, both hands on the counter and stared myself down. I can't do this anymore! I. HATE. THIS.

I stood there wishing I could shed my skin, my bones, my everything--just rip out the offending bits and pieces and somehow mend myself back to who I used to be.

But there is no going back, and there is no escaping. These parts, they're here with me forever. There is only acceptance and plowing through. So I will sit here with my puffy eyes and I will figure it out. Because what else can you do?

Sliding through webs

2011-09-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

It is morning and I am looking out at the garden. Such as it is. Ellie has just asked me to hold the one perfect strawberry we found so she can jump on the tramp and spy for spiderwebs. "I don't like those big tangly webs with the ginormous spiders, but I do like to slide through the teensy ones."

She sits next to me and rubs her feet on Copper's fur. I ask her if she'd like to eat her strawberry now, "I think I'd like to wash it first, just in case there are teensy, tinsy bugs on it what you can't see."

The garden has been neglected this year. I planted it, hoed it, fed it, watered it and no weeds grew. I trained the tomatoes up strands of baling wire and hilled-up the potatoes. But still, the tomatoes' skins split and the peppers developed burned spots and the spiders--oh, the spiders--are everywhere. Funnel webs dot the flowerbeds every foot or so. I had no idea there were enough insects to support such a population--an inundation, really--of spiders.

I think about how the nights are cooling as evidenced by the slowing of the crickets' chirping. I read somewhere that you can tell what temperature it is by how many chirps there are per second, but I think it was in a Trixie Belden book so maybe that isn't really true. I worry those spiders are going to come inside and I think about how the weather stripping has peeled away from the basement door--a perfect welcome mat for invaders of the eight-legged variety.

"Mom, does Copper like it when you pet her?" she stops petting for a minute and Copper turns and looks at her expectantly.

"Yes, she does."

"I wonder what it feels like to her."

"Maybe like a hug or when I tickle your back."

"I will pet her all the time then."

I suppose gardens and dogs and people are all the same....it's not enough to feed them, and train them up, to weed them and groom them...they need to be loved, too.

3:18 AM

2011-09-11T03:34:00.001-06:00

Man this house is quiet right now. I'm up because my ear canal has decided to throw a hissy fit. I mean it's like I turned 40 and my body said, "Forget this, I'm outta here."

Stupid foot. One more week of good behavior and wearing a stinky post-op shoe. Blech (this thing truly reaks and I have to wash my foot like a zillion times and still I can smell it). Double blech. I don't wear it to bike, it's too dangerous, but there's no impact with most of my biking route so I think that's okay. I'm going a little stir crazy and am so very tempted to run.

Stupid, stupid neck. It had been feeling better, but now that the left side has calmed down from the injection, my right side is acting up. It's downright demanding: "massage me here, put Icy Hot on me there, take a muscle relaxer, don't turn your head." Bossy I tell you.

And then there is my stoopid ear. I know this medical complaining is getting old. I'm super sick of it too, but it helps to vent a little. My right ear hurts like someone is twisting a screw driver in there. Not fun. Not fun at all. Strangely enough it looks normal and exactly like my left ear--which does not hurt at all--and according to my doctor that means it could be an inner ear infection or a Eustachian tube something or other.

So, my old lady medicine cabinet has expanded. I'm now taking an antibiotic/steroid ear drop (4x/day) in addition to an oral antibiotic (3x/day) and an oral steroid (2x/day). In the meantime, the only thing that helps is for me to insert my finger into my ear, apply pressure, and sort of tug it in an upward direction.

That so does not look strange at all. I hope the medicines work because otherwise I will be walking around with my right index finger permanently inserted into my ear. Good thing I am left-handed.

Party Pooper

2011-09-08T02:00:00.000-06:00

Turns out Mr. O doesn't like it when I vlog all hopped up on back pain meds. I thought it was funny. And completely unlike me. I am trying to get in to see one of the best neck surgeons in the valley. I want my life back. I can't do this every six months like clockwork and end up down for one to two months at a time.

I know there are worse things out there, but! I do have five awesome children and one terrific husband who meed me to be me ALL of the time and not just 3/4 of the year.

What do you think? Should I throw up the blog so you can see what I'm like under the influence?

Analogous

2011-08-31T15:53:00.000-06:00

Another week, another round of Ellie-isms.

Her most thoughtful musings come when we're in the car:

Mom, right now when we're so far away it seems like I'm bigger than the mountain, like I could squish it. But that's not really so, when you get up really close you can see just how big it is and how really small you are.

You're right.

I bet it's the same way with Jesus, you can't see how big He is until you're really close to Him.
(Yes, she really talked this way when she said it)

****

She was helping me with the laundry the other day when she came across Mr. O's jock strap. She held it up above her head: What the HECK is this?

I gave her a brief explanation and later overheard her telling someone: My dad wears it on his head when he plays sports to betect (protect) against balls.

I'd say she got it about 1/4th right.

****

We drove past the cemetery where her grandfather is buried and she asked, Do people really get buried in the ground when they die?

Yes, they do.

Well, we should dig a hole where they put grandpa, bring up his box, open it up and see him! Then we don't have to miss him.

This is the same daughter who mentions that she wishes she were dead and when I bring up the fact that we would miss her she tells me, Well I won't miss you 'cause then I will be able to see everyone whoever I want.

Fubared, and how

2011-08-30T02:27:00.000-06:00

Remember this? From back in March?

Yeah, well apparently it's still broken, and I'm once again relegated to ugly footwear and barred from running. This time it's for three weeks, and if it still isn't healed then it's MRI time to see how many other stress fractures there are.

Dammit, this means I have to get a pedicure (and by "get a pedicure" I mean do it myself). I have had exactly one professional pedicure in 40 years. ONE! I know, right?

Here's the other news. Remember how way back in March I had to get a steroid shot in my neck because my right hand was constantly going numb and my back felt like I was being stretched on a rack? Well, eventually everything was fine and I was relatively pain-free.

Then I kinda sorta fell off the running wagon. In fact I took a big, fat exercise break. I could blame my foot, but that wasn't it. I travelled a lot and I ate a lot and I had a helluva fun time. I also gained 10 pounds, but who's coutning?

I decided to get back on track and began running again, and on my first trip out I felt the tip of my left thumb going numb. Hmm, not a good sign. I figured having been a lump on a log for almost two months had something to do with it, so I kept up the running for a couple weeks.

My back pain came back (which actually stems from my massively fubared neck). You see, when you have 4 disc herniations, canal stenosis, and degenerative disc disease these things happen with no warning at all. You might just sleep wrong one night and wake up unable to turn your head. Fun times.

I received another steroid shot today, and it hurt like a freakin Mother (due to the proximity to nerves that control important stuff like breathing, they don't give you any anesthetic for neck injections). It gave me a headache in my left temple and radiated down under my left shoulder blade. It made me cry (I don't do that at doctors' offices). When I'd come into the clinic the pain had been mostly on my right side, and now it was matching sides. Twinners!

I felt like the doctor was nice enough, but he had been rough during the procedure. I know he probably does dozens of these injections on a daily basis, but I only get them every 6 months. Please doctors, take your time and be gentle ("that's what she said"--sorry couldn't help myself).

Note to self: Next time ask for Dr. W. And yes, there will countless next times because this seems to happen on a 6 month rotation.

Further note to self: Learn how to swim free style/front crawl without drowing. Also, buy a brain bucket for biking. You are only allowed non-impact exercise.

Further further note to self: Re-read this for errors and general weirdness when not pumped full of muscle relaxants.

Note to readers: That white stuff on the back of my neck is not fat, it is skin. Really.

Levitation

2011-08-25T09:26:00.000-06:00

You know how if you had to pick a super power--and you could only have one--it's impossible to choose between flying and invisibility?

I'm leaning a little more towards flying now. Natsumi from yowayowacamera.com may have had a little something to do with that.

How about you?

Also, have you signed up for Klout yet? You could sign up and give me +K about Anaheim. I'd appreciate it. But really, why don't I have Klout about gardening or Dr. Pepper or insomnia? I mean how realistic are measuring tools like this?

Yowsa

2011-08-23T00:00:00.000-06:00

Sometimes people in this family put tennis balls in their hollow leg. Quite sprained.

Robot inspiration

Robot in real life

Fall Bounty

2011-08-19T18:53:00.000-06:00

The tomatoes are just coming on

and they are very tasty

But for some reason the larger tomatoes are splitting

These are the Sungold tomatoes - the ones Ellie thinks are orange grapes

These are the Sugary variety and very sweet

We have no bugs thanks to the marigolds and the spiders)

The green onions are as big around as my thumb

The days are already getting shorter, although they seem to be getting hotter. Before we know winter will be here with her slush and snow and bitter cold. I'm going to soak up these last days of summer.

Burning Questions

2011-08-18T02:29:00.000-06:00

Too bad The Universe doesn't have a Formspring account, because there's a couple of things I'd really like to know.

Such as

1 Where do all the socks get off to? Why don't they make a break for it together?
2 Do they meet up with all my missing scissors and dental floss packs to jump rope?

And is it really necessary for American chocolate to be so waxy?

Now it's your turn. What questions would you ask the Universe?

There are some things I will never be a feminist about

2011-08-15T14:19:00.000-06:00

And plumbing is one of them. Last week we had an emergency of the plumbing kind. A close encounter of the poop kind.

Spielberg quietly beckoned me to the hallway, "Mom, uh come here please."

"What is it?"

"Just come here."

I accompanied him in to the hall bath. And then I also freaked out. The toilet looked-well there is no other way to describe it-like the scene of a nuclear accident. A nuclear accident involving corn. I know! Sorry for that visual.

It was also mostly empty. So like a complete plumbing ignoramus, I flushed it thinking that the water would just rinse the bowl and presto! back to normal.

Imagine my surprise when the level kept rising and rising. "Quick, bring me the plunger!!!"

"Where is it?" my son yelled. Mr. O had just that weekend rearranged things and the plunger was MIA.

"Never mind that, bring me a bowl, a large one!" In my panic, I'd forgotten that all I needed to do was shut off the water valve under the tank to stem the tide. The veritable Brown Tide.

Finally, both a large bowl and the plunger were found, and I set to work playing Mrs. Plumber O.

Now this is where I tell you that Murphy's Law is true. If you are wearing one of your favorite dresses and the need to administer some toilet CPR arises, CHANGE out of that dress. I'm just sayin'.

By this time the water was overflowing. Did I mention I was also barefoot? Some more colorful vocabulary escaped my lips, and I began to plunge.

Holy Crap (pun intended)! That did not help things. Poo water splashed down the front of my dress and in the direction of my face, swears dripped out of my mouth. Funny thing, toilets do not respond to four letter words like you might think. I began dipping the very large bowl (which has since been cloroxed to death) into the muck to lower the water level and decrease the splash fallout.

Ha. The water continued to rise. In a panic, I called Mr. O. In a panic, I may have yelled at him and demanded he come rescue me. I'm awful, I know. The water, the water was still rising and puddling and pooling across the floor (which has since also been cloroxed to death).

He reminded me how to shut the flow of water off. I did so, but the water continued to make a "run" for it, "Towels! Towels! Please bring me some towels!"

I tell you we were like a bunch of chickens running around with our heads cut off. Except that I was rooted to my spot by a lake of rapidly spreading stench water.

I mopped up the water with the towels and began cloroxing away. This plumbing emergency was way beyond me and my limited cuss library. Mr. O graciously bailed us out. And with nary a cuss, if you're wondering. He's cool like that.

A couple days later Ellie began announcing to me how many squares of tissue she was using every time she used the bathroom. Meanwhile, the toilet kept calling in sick and tossing its cookies (not a pretty picture).

Finally she confessed to me that it was her fault the works had gotten clogged up. I reassured her that I still loved her, and she promised to never use more than 4 or 5 squares per wipe and that she'd call for help if she needed more than that to take care of things.

We eventually had to call a family friend who happens to be a plumber and he came over and snaked out the pipes. I've never been so grateful for a plumber. And Clorox.

How are you under pressure? Swears or no?

Brand Loyalty

2011-08-13T19:28:00.000-06:00

Let's talk about this idea of loyalty to brands. I will always prefer certain products over others even though they cost me more and it kills me to pay for it. How about you?

For starters...I will always use a certain brand of deodorant. I tried switching to a different brand, even a generic and it just wasn't the same. When it comes to deodorant, it's all about the smell and the effect. And guess what, I learned about this product from a fellow blogger, La Yen. Booyah! to the power of the internets.

It's the same with shampoo. End results and smell count for everything. I'm a Matrix Sleek Looks girl, and I love the way it makes my hair feel.

I used to be a Satin Care shave gel girl, and I never thought I'd change. But! Now I use Barbasol. I may smell like a man, but it's cheaper and it does a far better job of leaving my legs feeling soft and smooth while sparing my sensitive skin. And I never get the post-shave itchies (you know, the thing where you'd like to scratch your legs off the night after you've shaved). And really, I don't smell like a man for long because it rinses right off.

Now, lest you get the wrong idea, I'm not a generics snob. I don't mind allergy meds that are house brands--I find they do the job just as well--however, don't even try to take away my Advil. The coating on those pills is awesome and something about them doesn't seem to bother my stomach like generics do. I won't even buy generic Children's Advil. Maybe it's a placebo effect, but I swear it works better and faster. I'm like the unofficial Advil Ambassador.

And don't get me started about the difference in my lab results when I'm taking Levoxyl versus a generic thyroid. Did you know that the makers of generics aren't required to retest their products even though they use different fillers and binders? They only have to have the same active ingredients. Sometimes it makes for a difference you can feel, sometimes not.

So, tell me are there any brands you're fiercely loyal to? Come back tomorrow and we'll talk about food brands.

Disclosure: none of these companies has any idea who I am, but I did receive 5 bottles of Children's Advil at Blogher '11 because I was such a rabid fan. I must admit, it's one of my favorite swag items.

It was all yellow

2011-08-12T17:31:00.000-06:00

Last night Ellie told me that there was something wrong with her "froat": Because mom, when I talk it sounds like a stranger.

She has now, just two days ago, learned to swim underwater, and she is a regular fish. This makes me happy and sad at the same time. Before you know it she'll be wanting her two front teeth for Christmas and driving. I wish I could could keep her this age forever where she she still thinks the sun rises and sets by my command.

Today she made me a "yellow" snack--a plate with a cut up banana, and oatmeal cookie and a diced Yukon gold potato (raw). I ate the whole thing and it was the best yellow I've ever had. I did stop her before she tried slicing up jalapenos for my "green" snack.

Just bust a move

2011-08-12T00:59:00.000-06:00

So Formerly Phread taught a workshop on The Single Ladies dance at BlogHer '11, but first she gave us some private lessons in our room (perks of having a dance sensation for a roomie). Then she showed us this video and taught us some of these moves. You may not know it, but Jenny taught her family to do the Single Ladies dance just by watching videos and breaking it down. Also, she is just an amazing dancer - the girl has what Mary Murphy calls "swag" (and I'm not referring to the freebies vendors throw at you in the Expo hall).

She let us in on a little secret which is this video that breaks the choreography down in reverse so that when you learn it you're doing the same routine in the same direction that Beyonce performs it. Anywho, my girls and I are going to learn this and maybe even bust it out at the family Christmas Party. You can bet I'll be sporting my green knee-highs, stilettos, and daisy dukes. Well, just as soon as I buy them.

Here she is surprising some school girls during their performance (I love stars who are nice in real life)

And while we are busting out the dance music, you must see this. If you are a child of the 80s, you'll appreciate it.

If you click the link below, you'll see the follow-up they performed. I didn't know Jimmy Fallon was a talented rapper in a former life.
History of Rap 2

So any of you all want to "Move Your Body" and learn this dance with us? Maybe we can have a dance party next summer and bust our moves...

The thankingest girl

2011-08-09T22:44:00.000-06:00

Today I registered Ellie for Kindergarten. To commemorate this special day, we made a sno-cone run.

It's been forever since I had one of those. Have you ever had a sno-cone, mom?

Yes.

I just don't know what to get, I'm so essited.
***
Sno-cone girl: I can make you a rainbow, or a Justin Bieber, or even a Barbie sno-cone.

Well, if you have Mango and Strawberry, I'd like that.
***

And they did have it.

Fank you mom for getting me this sno-cone. It's so dee-licious. Oh, and mom (I believe this is right about when the sugar kicked in). I want to change my name. 'Cause I'm almost six and going to school and I need a more grown-up name. So could you please start calling me Sarah? Fank you.

Hey mom, I sure am good at saying my fank yous. And amn't I the goodest listener in the family too?
***
I'm going to miss my Ellie when Kindergarten rolls around.

First Harvest

2011-08-09T18:39:00.003-06:00

I came home from San Diego to find that my garden had exploded in my absence.

About 15 Sungold tomatoes are missing. They taste so good that Ellie thinks they're orange grapes. Shh. Don't tell.

Lately, I can't stop making my sister's invention of Mango Avocado Pico.

1 (or 2) mango, diced
1/2 purple onion, chopped
1 (or 2) avocado, diced
1 jalapeno, seeded and finely chopped
1/2 bunch of cilantro, finely chopped
juice of one lime
salt to taste

And a bag of freshly-fried restaurant nachos. Devour.

Sell Out

2011-08-08T11:01:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'll give up all my info for a chance in a Blizzard Dollars booth. The going rate for today's dignity: $22 and a stainless steel water bottle.

I danced far more and slept far less (yes, that is possible) than I have in the past 20 years. I ate great food, sat in on a screening of The Help (I recommend you bring an entire box of tissue), and bonded over waffles and french toast with three amazing women. I shipped home bunches of goodies, discovered some new products, and even made a complete fool of myself. What? It was fun.

And I highly recommend you attend BlogHer in New York next year. If you do, I'd love to meet up with you.

Blogher '11 - Let's Get This Party Started

2011-08-04T15:02:00.000-06:00

San Diego is lovely. But you knew that. It is even lovelier with friends. Last night we ate at Ocean Air which was a complete indulgence--the crabmeat in the giant stuffed shrimp was melt-in-your-mouth delicious.

Then it was pool time where we met up with Allison from Petit Elefant, Marie from Make and Takes, Rachel from Today's Mama, and Laurie from Tip Junkie - more lovely people.

This morning we slept in, like you do on all the best vacations, and then headed to Richard Walker's Pancake house to queue up.

It was worth the wait for a Belgian Waffle with fresh whipped cream and perfectly-ripened strawberries.

The ambiance wasn't bad either.

Meet a couple of new friends (my roomies):

Cabesh from Jill of All Trades and Queen Scarlett from Frankly My Dear (and, not pictured, Jenny from Formerly Phread - definite perk of having her for your roomie is the private "Single Ladies" dancing lessons).

How 'bout them apples...er, tomatoes?

2011-08-02T13:40:00.000-06:00

These are a grape tomato and perfect for salads or snacking

The tomato bed is bursting with fruit, and some of the plants are taller than I am.

Here's a special treat we can stick in the category of "When glasses were as big as your face."

How is your garden coming along and do you have entries for "when glasses were as big as your face"?

So. San Diego

2011-07-31T13:19:00.001-06:00

Are you going to BlogHer '11? Have you been before? Will you say hi?

Please do. See you there.

I just love it!

2011-07-30T10:08:00.000-06:00

First off, if you're reading this from your Reader, please click over and see the new place. Emily at The Blog Fairy has worked her magic and given Positively Organic a head-to-toe makeover.

Part of this makeover includes a name change to Positively O. I'm more than just Organic. Now I can incorporate all manner of "O" words: Optimistic, Organized, Off-the-Record, Outrageous, Owned, OCD, Orgasmic (What? You know you were so thinking that).

Over in my sidebar there's a link to Positively O's new Facebook page. I'd appreciate it if you'd take a second, click it, and "like" my page. I need 50 likes to get a vanity url and I'd really love to put it on my contact cards, so please won't you be a dear and help me out?

Once we get there, I'm going to enter everyone who "liked" my page into a drawing for this fun "O" necklace. I know, way to stick with a theme.

I can't say enough good things about Emily--she's a creative genius, the bomb, if you will. If you'd like your own makeover (which is an amazing deal, btw) click on through to The Blog Fairy and get on her waiting list.

Well, that was fun

2011-07-29T00:55:00.000-06:00

My blog took a nose dive, but thanks to Emily at The Blog Fairy for fixing it. Pretty soon, I'll have some new digs to show you. I'm very excited.

Maybe I will even blog.

Mr. O had his 50th birthday this past week. He woke up to 50 helium filled balloons with love notes from me and the kids attached to each one. Then we hit a family movie and went to dinner.

For his birthday, he received the coolest telescope. In case you didn't know, he's an astronomy buff. The man knows his sky/stars/planets. We've had some fun getting great views of stars I'd never seen before.

I'm heading to BlogHer next week with some fun friends. To be honest, I've got more than a little stage fright going on in my belly.

The Big 4 Oh

2011-07-07T23:13:00.000-06:00

I don't know, somehow I thought it would be different hitting a milestone age like 40. Like maybe there would be fireworks and a parade. Or jumping out of an airplane (no, not really) or riding in a hot air balloon...or Ed McMahon back form the dead and on my front porch.

But it was a nice, quiet lunch with the promise of a future getaway, birthday wishes from my siblings and scores of internet wishes for an awesome day.

And just now, sweet notes from my daughters and some last minute texts from my parents (who, by the way, never ever do that).

All things considered, I'm lucky to be me and to be loved by the people in my life. Life is what you make of it. Mine is half full.

Ah, Freakout!

2011-07-02T11:47:00.000-06:00

Mr O and I decided to catch a flick yesterday and saw Super 8. It is set in 1979 so all the music is from Mr. O's high school years. If you haven't seen it yet, don't worry I'm not going to give too much away.

There are several jumpy parts in the movie--the kind that make you reach for your movie date. Is very good date movie. Right before one of these parts, it got really quiet and you could hear the faint strains of "Take on Me" by Aha. If you are a child of the 80s, you will recognize that there is no way this song could have been coming from the movie sound track.

Dude! It was coming from my purse.

Now sometimes my phone will turn on Pandora all by itself and some random station will start playing. In a panic, I thought that was had happened. In the dark of the movie theatre I fumbled in the abyss of my bag and finally found my phone. I swear I couldn't hear anything coming from it, but all of the sudden "Ringa, Ringa" from Slumdog Millionaire started playing. It's on my run playlist. Crap.

People turned and looked at me. Ack! I had put my phone on silent. Scrambling, I ripped the back off my phone and pulled the battery out.

What the? I could still hear it. This happened to be in a part of the movie where electronics were acting all possessed. My purse was totally into this movie.

I even ripped the SIM card out. What? It works in the movies all the time. Still, there was music playing. I grabbed my phone and made a quick dash for the door to figure out this mystery. I got out into the hall and not a sound was coming from my phone. I couldn't understand it.

Then Mr. O joined me. He had my bag. There is still music coming from here.

After rooting around some more, I discovered that my iPod was in the pocket and had somehow turned on. It's a newer one with a speaker. So embarrassing. I turned the sound all the way down, shut it off and slunk back into the theater to enjoy the rest of the show.

Have you ever had something like this happen to you?

P.S. There was good use of this song in the actual movie.

Goblins with a side of irony

2011-06-28T20:10:00.000-06:00

First off, I know some people who will appreciate the irony of this biking video. (via Eric Snider)

In other news, I can cross something off my 40 for 40 list. No, make that two somethings:

12. Family road trip

37. Rent an RV

We travelled to Goblin Valley for an impromptu family reunion of sorts. My brother, Chad, is a camping rock star. And so is his wife. They go all the time and they do it up right. He made scones and Peachy Pear cobbler. His wife made a pulled pork roast, Cafe Rio style.

Meanwhile, we roasted hotdogs and cooked Frilis (chili over Fritos). We are so gourmet, I know. (Please to notice: Mr. O and his obliging me in photoing his famous legs. That is some serious awesome).

We hopped goblins, went on a day hike to explore a small cave and played in the river bank. Yes, it was hot, but Goblin valley is also windy (hence the goblin formations) so it wasn't too bad.

Thank heavens for air conditioning. And bug spray. My natural stuff worked for awhile, too bad we didn't know the Bounce dryer sheet trick (even though I never use dryer sheets, but desperate times/desperate measures, etc).

We had never rented an RV before, and I have to say that I don't ever want to go back to tent camping. If I could have a dream job, it would be reviewing/testing out RVs and getting paid to do it. Now all I need to do is get famous and have sponsors bending over backwards to make this dream come true. Minor details.

We came back and had one more night with our RVs, so we camped up our local canyon. That felt more like the camping I'm used to--no gnats, plenty of pine and aspens.

Not that Goblin Valley didn't have foliage.

It's just completely different.

So, what vacations are you planning this summer? Are you planning something completely different?

PS I thought of another thing that should be on that list, now I just need two more. Any ideas?

Butt, wait!

2011-06-21T11:36:00.000-06:00

Here are my first cuts from the garden this year. I love when the peonies are in bloom.

The smell and look divine.

The roses aren't bad either. Most of the rose bush got zapped in the late frost so I haven't been able to bring myself to prune the suckers off - maybe in a few weeks.

This weekend we worked our butts off transforming this former weed patch

Into this

The tree is a Ukigumo Maple, and the leaves turn a speckled white when planted in full sun.

This bench has been sitting in our back yard relatively unused for the last seven years. It's seen more action in the past three days than it's ever had.

Our neighbors helped us to till this and get it panted. It just wouldn't have been possible without them. Don't you wish you had neighbors like mine?

My monkey. I know there will come a day when she will stop saying, "Take a picture of me," but I don't want to think about it.

In other news... with all that hoeing, I pulled a glute. It's kinda hard to run with a defunct butt. Guess I will just have to sit here and rest it a while. I'm pretty good at that.

Garden

2011-06-17T05:22:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I get to cross of one of the items on my 40 for 40 list: Plant the North side. I can't tell you how excited I am. It's been nothing but weeds or a barren wasteland since we moved in. It is going to be beautiful.

The lilacs were amazing this year, but after a few days of blooms, I had to cut them down--they are just too much for my allergies to handle. Sniff.

The front of the house has the purple/white/yellow/red theme going on

It pays to be up at sunrise

Potatoes. Funny story, the puny plants on the left are ones I bought, and the big, bushy ones were started from seed potatoes. They are growing like weeds.

The birds have discovered our strawberries so I've installed some netting over those hoops. Now I just need to get a handle on the slugs.

I love me some home-grown basil

The peonies will be in bloom next week, and I can hardly wait

All that remains of the willow - ready to go for the firepit and s'mores

And nothing beats the light on English daisies at 7 PM.

Thanks to Von for being a good, no make that great, sport. Won't you join us with some swimsuit confidence of your own? And pop over and tell her how great she looks.

What are your weekend plans?

Better look quick

2011-06-15T16:25:00.000-06:00

Alright, here it is. I'll take it down in a few days. But, there, I've done it. And I'll likely regret it, but life is like that.

Oh Von, I do believe it's your turn.

Swimsuit Confidence?

2011-06-13T21:27:00.000-06:00

So, I read this post. And for one crazy moment I considered doing it. I even took the picture and cropped my head off of it. But, nope, I just can't bring myself to put it out there for everyone to see. Mostly, I don't want anyone from high school or any previous boyfs to stumble across that kind of footage. I mean not that I think the chance of that is very high (considering there's only 2 old flames out there), but still. You know?

Do you have the guts to do it? Show me yours, I'll show you mine.

Wait, that didn't come out right.

Now where's that fork?

2011-06-10T23:26:00.000-06:00

Somebody please find it and stick it in me - I'm well and truly done.

I'm away with the girls visiting my sister before she moves. Yesterday we shopped until we dropped, but with only a few purchases to show for it. Shopping can be so discouraging. I don't mind trying on things, it's the waiting for kids to try on things and hanging all their cast-offs back up. And also the Ellie-wrangling. It wears a mother out.

Here is one of the ways she kept herself entertained. When she first saw these mannequins, she declared, "What?! Pink humans? No way!" And then she asked me to take a whole series of shots with them.

These are the shoes she purposely packed for pool/beachwear. They are both purple and plastic, so of course they work. Luckily the kids had reached their pool max about 10 minutes before some kid had to go and contaminate it with a poo-bomb. Blarf!

Not to name names, but a certain older someone didn't listen to her mother about reapplying sunscreen and getting out of the sun and now she's paying for it. I really wish I'd brought the lavender oil with me, and that I could say "I told you so."

In other news, I did something I haven't done before - I got a spray tan. It was a 2-for-1 special, and due to the rain I'm whiter than normal. I'm a sucker for a deal, and apparently my vanity knows no bounds.

Dudes, I am all shades of "Orange Lovely." There is a certain learning curve to those things, like really rubbing the barrier cream in well on the bendy, crease-y parts of your body, and not forgetting the part about not washing your hands with water during the first 6 hours. Oops.

I went running today and I don't think there is a flat spot in this entire neighborhood. My workout should totally count for double.

P.S. The diet is officially blown.

P.P.S. The kids have invented a game that involves batting balloons as they are tossed over the banister and seeing how many they can keep aloft for the longest time. That's a game that will prepare them for life.

P.P.P.S My hair is so ha-yuge from the humidity that I tried taming it with an Amish hairdo. Note to self: leave the Amish 'dos to Kelly McGillis.

Tune-age

2011-06-03T16:28:00.000-06:00

Just few tunes to get you through the weekend.

P.S. The sun is back out, and I am being considerably less stupid. So there's that.

Stormy

2011-05-26T11:05:00.000-06:00

The garden is in, and the tomatoes are hanging on despite being buffeted by gale-force winds last night. As soon as I get them strung up, I'll include a picture.

The baby robins had their flight lesson on Sunday. This one got stuck in the equipment fence yard. His mama still came and fed him worms until she coaxed him out of there. I can't believe how fat they all were, how in the world did all three of them fit in that tiny little nest?

Spielberg shot this storm cloud in our back yard. It looks like the makings of a funnel cloud, doesn't it?

Recently, I've been stupid. It's something I'm rather good at, unfortunately. I don't know how I manage to get myself in the jams I do, except that maybe it's good intentions coupled with a big-ish heart. Thank heavens tomorrow is always a new day and another chance to be better, to do better.

I'm thinking of abandoning my 40 for 40 list. A lot of it doesn't interest me anymore. I think I care about maybe 10 of the things on there. It bugs me that I can't stay focused for more than 5 months, but this is how life is. Some things seem important at the time, but when it comes down to it they really aren't. My family is what's important to me, and as long as we're growing and enjoying each other that is all that really matters.

I used to live and die by The List. Not so much anymore. Who the hell cares about turning 40 anyway?

I'm not really cranky, I could just do with a little more freakin' sun already.

P.S. My foot appears to be healing nicely. I even get to try running on it tomorrow. Funny thing, biking hurts worse than running on it does. It's actually a fracture on my cuboid bone and it usually takes an MRI to diagnose it, so if I run and have no new pain I should be good to go. Otherwise, it's MRI time.

Any fun plans for the weekend? I get to see some friends. Yay!

Birchy, Just Birchy

2011-05-19T20:50:00.000-06:00

So. I broke my foot yesterday by pure freak accident and total clumsiness. Note to self: make sure the perimeter is secure when stepping onto new construction. Further note to self: good job not saying any bad words.

At first it hurt bad enough that I was trying not to cry, but boy did my eyes water. By noon the swelling and bruising (pain) was bad enough I had scheduled an appointment with the doctor. I didn't see my usual family doctor, but I think it was best this way. This doctor listened to me when I mentioned that when I'd broken a fall with my hand several years ago, it took three months to diagnose a dislocated wrist bone. So he pored over my foot X-rays and discovered that I'd chipped and possibly broken my navicular bone. It looks like a hairline fracture runs through the bottom corner of that bone. They'll retake an X-ray on Monday.

And I thought I'd get to run again once this horrible rainy season is over. Hah! This horrible weather seems to have no plans on going anywhere. I am doctoring my foot with Birch and Helichrysym oils - good for bone-mending and bruising, respectively.

If I could ever have a dry enough spell to put some plants in, I'd probably have a great garden. At least the weeds will be easier to see.

How are all of you? Any fun weekend plans?

Hot, hot, cold, cold

2011-05-17T12:38:00.000-06:00

We had a brief respite from the cold last weekend. It lasted about two and a half days.

Now it's raining. A lot.

But it was warm and dry long enough for us to get the new soil mixed into the garden and the pre-plant fertilizers are thoroughly watered-in.

Now, if my plants can just hang on for the weekend, I'll get their roots in some lovely, rich earth.

We are trying a more vigorous approach to pruning the tomatoes this year. I have about 6 varieties and need to find three more Roma plants.

The other day Ellie told me she'd figured out the weather pattern, it's Hot, Hot, Cold, Cold. I think we are past due for some Hot, Hot.

In other news (for Tori, because I know this will make her laugh), one of my kids told me the other day: "Did you know that scientists think there are diamonds in Uranus?"

Had to remind myself that I'm not actually a 14-year old boy. I almost succeeded, but then she added: "you know, because it's so cold in there."

Ah ha ha ha! I couldn't help myself. Poor kid.

15 and counting

2011-05-13T21:31:00.000-06:00

I am slow these days, but I am committed. I know if I can just get these last pounds to leave off already, that my speed will increase. People far larger than I, make running look easy.

I'm telling you it's never easy for me. Maybe that's why I do it. It's that daily pounding, the wind in my hair, the sun on my shoulders, the music in my ears, the chapstick on my lips, the gum in my mouth (I hate carrying water), the sweat beading up on my face, the visor on my head, the alone time, the not-thinking or the thinking-about-everything time. It's all that.

That's why I do it. Plus, also I want to wear a bathing suit and not be self-conscious this summer. So there's that.

2.6

2011-05-11T11:20:00.000-06:00

I ran an off number of miles yesterday because it was all I had time for between running children all over the planet. It bugged me. Like, seriously bugged me.

In fact, at 11:30 last night I was still thinking about going back out and finishing my normal number just to round it off and make it a prettier number. Instead, I stayed home and nestled into Mr. O's side, (totally better than running) but still I thought about it.

And now for today's dilemma, can I resist the urge to finish yesterday's number and add it on to today's route? Or can I just leave yesterday behind me and get today right?

Isn't that what it all comes down to?

So, so tired - but it's a blissful tired

2011-05-08T23:38:00.002-06:00

Please pay no attention to my forehead which is the size of the entire state of Georgia (gi-norm), and notice that I'm about 10 lbs away from getting the rest of the steroids weight off. Stupid 'roids - they also mess with your cholesterol, who knew? For the first time ever, I have high cholesterol. Pooh.

We saw Thor and really enjoyed it. Action for the guys and eye candy for the women=perfect film.

For Mother's Day, I requested that they allow me to sleep in rather than bring me breakfast in bed. They were glad to oblige. The only other thing I wanted to do was to spend the day in the mountains - all of us.

And Mr. O made sure it happened. Even Ty came. He had to borrow my sunglasses since the sun was so bright. He wasn't particularly very happy about that idea.

The girls had fun playing "Would You Rather"

Even Spielberg has to admit, it wasn't that bad of a time

I love that he caught me off guard.

Cracked

Treepee

I love the colors in this one

Lichen

Famous Amos tastes even better in the mountains. Yes, they do.

Most photos shot by Spielberg.

Tonight, my mom hosted a family dinner for all of us that live out here. It was a very nice time, but we missed my sisters Stacy and Kelley. It was fun to visit with grandma B and chat with Chad and Emily.

This weekend just wasn't long enough.

P.S. there is cool stuff happening in the garden.

I am a horrible, horrible person

2011-05-04T13:07:00.000-06:00

Mother's Day crisis averted. That is all. And I know it was very small and selfish of me. Blerg, do I know it.

Maybe tomorrow I will only be just horrible instead of completely horrible, horrible. Aiming high, I know.

***
Completely jumping tracks.....

Lately, I've seen a lot of heartache and it's got me thinking. I want to know how it happens, where does it start? How do two people make beautiful babies together, love those children deeply and yet drift apart from each other? What first places that wedge between them, what drives it further and further in until they forget the why of their togetherness? Or rather, how does one of them forget and the other holds tightly to something that no longer exists?

Maybe the more important question is how does one keep from forgetting? Is it even possible anymore?

Do not adjust your set - profanities are intentional (you have been warned)

2011-05-01T22:53:00.002-06:00

Edited to add: a little explanation

First of all, sorry about the onslaught of Chemo Chronicles posts, I am trying to get caught up. They are painful memories but ones that I must get out of my system and let go of. This post in particular is one I need to put up on my mirror and read every day.

Due to circumstances beyond my control: conflicting schedules, crazy weather, my duties as a mother, and so on and so forth....I was not able to get outside again to run this weekend or to even leave the house really. I used to hate running and I guess I cannot exactly call my style of flailing about on the roads - running. But as soon as I hear that I "can't" do something, my hackles are up and I am in full "Oh, yeah?" mode. And I will do it, too. Just watch me.

So basically the gist of the story is that if I keep up running, I will likely be just as incapacitated as I was when this all started back in January and within 30 days, too. I don't like that sentence, and suddenly it makes me want to run even more. I have noticed the pain creeping back, but 10 lbs have come off that were due to the meds they had me taking, so it's sixes really. In pain, thinner, and happier from being outside? Or the numb, fatty existence of being pain-free. Hmmm, not a hard decision. Not for me.

It stinks that I might require surgery sooner for a pissy neck, but I can't give up exercising outdoors. I can't! I NEED my vitamin D. No, it's true. The supplements I've been taking are not absorbing and only the sun will do.
***
In other news, I was all set to tell you about this wonderful new book I've been reading and then of course, I lost it (and by lost it I'm referring to my sanity) at bed time. I'm still figuring things out. And god almighty, it's gonna take me a long, long time. Basically, my brain turns into a pumpkin after 9:30 PM and I am no longer capable of rational thought. Too bad my kids can't seem to make it to bed before 10. Damn that pumpkin brain of mine.

The book is called Positive Discipline for Teenagers by Jane Nelsen, but she has several written for younger aged children. I highly recommend them, start them young. Or rather start yourself being positive, kind, and firm when they're young. Of course they still become teens and go through hormonal changes and you will still wonder what you did wrong as a parent...BUT at least you will have some skills. Thanks heavens tomorrow is a new day and I can show my children that even adults make mistakes and need to apologize when they've behaved poorly. We are, all of us, trying to become better people and that means learning from our mistakes.

I am torn about a church issue regarding Mother's Day. Confession: I am proud and I cannot sing one whit (and it's painfully obvious to anyone who hears me attempt it), and I will not embarrass myself or my daughter because someone thinks it would be sweet to have a handful of moms sing to the congregation on Mother's Day. I also cannot attend the meeting and sit with my daughter in the congregation while the girls her age are up there singing with their mothers. It looks bad, I know. And the last thing I want is for my daughter to feel that I must not love her because I won't go up there and sing. A bigger person would go up there anyway. I am not that person. I know these emotions are coming from the small, weak part of my pumpkin brain, but at least I am willing to admit it.

I think we'll go on an outing instead and avoid the entire mess. Does this mean I am teaching my children to run away from difficult situations? Perhaps. Or maybe it means there are other ways to handle them. No one can make you feel embarrassed or pressured unless you let them, and sometimes removing yourself from the situation is the kindest way.

Confession: the stress I was feeling from this situation contributed heavily to my frustrations last night. So I will need to talk to my kids about that as well. Sometimes I fear that coal dust rather than diamonds, figures more prominently in my future.

A Family Lives Here

2011-04-29T14:04:00.000-06:00

Exhibit One:

On the left is a Wandering Jew plant that Tyler cloned in greenhouse class, then we tore off a leaf and cloned it again - that's why there are two plants.

Next is a bamboo heart my daughters bought for me years ago (they took their own money walked a few blocks to the local nursery and bought it - all by themselves without me knowing when they were 6 and 4 years old. Nearly gave me a heart attack). I love it.

Next is a small framed print of Jesus with children. I think it was a Mother's Day gift when my children were little.

Next, Gerber daisies I bought to brighten up Easter.

And finally, pea plants that Spielberg is growing as part of a Biology class experiment. Funny story, he started watering the shortest plant with green tea and now it's completely caught up to the others.

Now all I need is a contribution from Ellie (preferably not the pill bug she keeps as her pet), and this windowsill will be complete.

Join in the fun won't you? And add your "A Family Live Here" entry over at Queen Scarlett's place.

Lion House French Bread Recipe and Spring!

2011-04-23T17:24:00.000-06:00

Lion House French Bread

2 Tbsp yeast
1/2 c. warm water
2 C hot water
3 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp salt
5 Tbsp shortening, melted or veg. oil (I always use oil)
6 C Flour
***
1 egg white, sesame seeds

Dissolve yeast in 1/2 c warm water - let stand 10 minutes. In a large bowl combine 2 C. hot water, sugar, salt, shortening (or oil), and half of the flour, beat well (I throw it in my Bosch and don't mess with a spoon). Stir in dissolved yeast. Stir in remaining flour. Mix well until it balls up, pulls completely away from sides of bowl. Leaving spoon in batter, allow to rest for 10 minutes. Stir vigorously.

Allow to rest again for 10 minutes. Repeat 3 more times. Cover with towel/lid while resting. Turn out onto floured board. Knead once or twice until lightly coated with flour. Divide dough in half for french bread loaves (or 5 sections for soup bowls, ). Roll each half into a 9"x12" rectangle. Starting at long edge, roll loosely, seal edges. Place both rolls seam side down on large cookie sheet (I use the largest rectangular Airbake pizza pan and place the loaves diagonally). Gash the tops 3 times each with a sharp knife. Brush with beaten egg white. Sprinkle with sesame seeds (I skip this step). Let rise 30 minutes.

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.
****
I am so happy to have my camera back. Perfect timing, if you ask me.

I took it into Kew's Camera Service and they replaced the mainboard. It was their first time doing this procedure, so they gave me a steal of a deal on the labor in exchange for being their guinea pig.

I know they had my camera a very long time, but only having to pay 1/10th the cost of replacing it was well worth it. Don't you think?

Happy Easter, everyone.

It's Alive!

2011-04-22T14:31:00.000-06:00

Witness: Michelle's first attempt at solo bread-making.

The only advice I gave her was to egg-wash extensively. This is the Lion House french bread recipe, and she used it to make soup bowls for navy bean soup. It smelled heavenly.

I think I could get used to having another baker in the family.

P.S. The camera is back from the dead. Hallelujah!

Magical Mouse Poop

2011-04-16T09:10:00.000-06:00

A few nights ago Ellie woke up around 3 in the morning and came into my room. She'd been coughing and woke herself up. As she crawled into bed with me, she started mumbling about how mouse poop was magic. I asked her to explain.

Well, did you know that mouses fink their pee is juice and that their poop is meat? You don't even have to buy them any food. Can I get a mouse?

I really marvel at the way that girl's mind works, even when she's half asleep.
***

My neck is holding strong. I've been running twice this week and I've gone biking too. I'm having a little anxiety about riding, but then I always have this sensation at the beginning of the season. It is a strange, reckless feeling to be going so fast without being strapped into or onto anything.

I sometimes have a similar anxiety about running. I have a bum right ankle, and it will roll without any warning. It hurts for about 10 seconds and always takes me by surprise - just enough for a cuss word to escape when I suddenly find myself on the ground. After walking around on it for about 30 seconds, I'm fine and good to go. It should be no big deal, but mentally I cringe and find myself thinking that one of these times it's just going to break. And that would really hurt.

Note to self: stop borrowing trouble

I have worked in my yard each time the sun has shone lately. After three months of being mostly sedentary, it feels absolutely wonderful to be moving again. I hope never to take hard work, sweat, and the good kind of body aches for granted again. I have cleaned out the front and rear flower beds and mucked out the garden. This weekend is time to put the peas, romaine and spinach in. We put this yard in with the intent that it be no or low maintenance. Hah! Beauty always requires work, but is always worth it in the end.

Monday, I find out if the camera can come off life support. Fingers crossed.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! What are you doing to enjoy Spring?

Snip, sewin' away

2011-04-12T06:44:00.000-06:00

I haven't quilted for five years now (except for a couple of thank-you gifts). This is huge.

Somewhere in there with my and Ty's cancers, I made a bargain with The Universe: I give up something I enjoy, You leave us alone.

So that really worked out. One spine fusion, one hip surgery, two rounds of chemo, multiple surgeries, two radiation treatments, a hysterectomy and several herniated discs later.....

I decided to do something I love again. I mean life is going to throw at you what it will, it's good to have coping measures. This group of quilters haven't let me slide off into the dark hole I'd been wishing would swallow me up, they never forgot about me. And now I'm back.

It's a mess, but a joyous mess. And except for accidentally snipping a hole in my pants, it's turning out pretty well. Here is my latest Work in Progress:

There will be two-one for Nicole and one for Ellie. That's 197 yoyos each, in case you were wondering.

Also, sometimes we goof off with Photo Booth.

Lastly, I worked a glorious 5 hours in my yard yesterday. One thing about the weather here...you never know how long the sunshine will last until you're safely in July, so get out while the gettin' is good. I'm stiff today, but it's the kind of hurt that feels good, let's you know you're alive rather than making you wish you were dead. And that my friends, feels amazing.

P.S. Could somebody please tell my body that 3 AM is not a decent wake-up time? Also, three hours is not nearly enough sleep.

You Guys

2011-04-06T23:07:00.000-06:00

It's nearly been a week. One whole week. I feel human again.

I cleaned like a mad woman today and it felt good. Very good. My aunt saw me down on my hands and knees wiping up dust bunnies (behind the entertainment center, no less--where no one can even see them, I know!) and said, "You must be feeling better."

It's felt like this past week has been holding it's breath, waiting for the pain to come creeping back, but it hasn't. Hallelujah! See also: knock on wood.

The cloud has left my fuzzy brain, and I no longer feel as if everything is moving in slow motion - like the very air is thick as gelatin. In an effort to speed up the purging and rescue my system from the onslaught of medicines, I've taken to drinking Green Smoothies.

I'd heard rumors they were delicious, but come on, there's loads of spinach in there, they couldn't possibly taste anything but offensive. I'm glad to say that was wrong-headed of me. Here's a before and after shot:

I like to cut up half an apple, a fresh strawberry or two, add in some handfuls of spinach, water, a tablespoon of seeds (chia, hemp, or ground flax) and frozen fruit. Blend. Drink.

Drink some more. Feel the green replace the gunk.
***
I sewed this weekend. A lot. And all of it by hand. I'm beginning to think these quilts will get made after all. I love how they're turning out, too bad I accidentally snipped a hole in my sweats.
***
Ellie informed me that tomorrow is her hopping-on-one-foot class where she is practicing her Easter dance and perfecting her game technique (said game involves hopping (of course) on one foot (of course) whilst holding a stick and tossing a golf ball). I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Easter to arrive.

On my nerves

2011-04-01T18:32:00.001-06:00

This week I went through a nerve study. I only had one abnormal result and it's not related to my neck issues. For some reason my left pinkie finger doesn't conduct impulses, and yet I can still feel everything just fine.

Part of this test was no fun at all and involved having needles poked into my nerves/muscles and then having a charge run through them. The needles were the no fun part (especially when he had to put one in on each side of each disc in my neck). My muscles are sore today, especially in my left hand since one of the needle sites bled internally. I have a lovely purpley-brown palm, but no nerve damage. Sweet! This means that maybe the pinched nerve will eventually chill out and life will go back to normal. It also means I can stop obsessing about the numbness in my hands unless it worsens.

Yesterday I cleaned multiple surfaces in my house that were in desperate need of attention and only paid for it a little bit. My best hours are between 10 and 2. Today I worked in the yard, and that is better than therapy. I only raked up some leaves in the side yard and pruned back one of the wisteria vines, but I was outside and the sun was shining. Next up, actual exercise.

The windows are open. Yes!

Yo Yo Ma

2011-03-26T00:27:00.001-06:00

I am not even going to mention that one topic even once. It is boring both of us.

Anyway, one thing I can do is stitch the snap out of some yo yos. I've made over one hundred and with the ones my girls have made, we're in the neighborhood of 160. Great! Only 240 to go.

One downside to numbness in your finger tips is that you don't feel the needle pricks until you REALLY feel them. Ouch, gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "on pins and needles".

Our camera is kaput. It is at the shop on life support. We will know more about her recovery plan on Monday. I super, super miss her.

Lately, I've felt like putting a smiley face emoticon after every thing I type, I'm counting it as a side effect of the meds. Normally I'd just be sarcastic and expect you to know I meant it in good humor, it's how I deal, peeps.

Do you know that it is almost April? Yes! (dramatic fist pump)

Also lately, I have been playing doctor (no not that kind, although...). Anyways, I have a tens unit (total lifesaver) and a few of my people have had injured lower backs. And do you know, it is a very helpful tool when dealing with pain (FYI no one with a pace maker should use one of these). Just call me Doctor Organic.

Pain is a pain is a pain

2011-03-22T22:17:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer: I don't know who stops by any more, but I'm sure it's not to hear me go on and on about health issues (I'm sick of it myself, actually). The past two days have been tough. I haven't written much lately because I'm a bit lost for words.

Pain is, unfortunately, a valuable part of life. It alerts us when something is wrong. It helps us to know when there is something we need to fix before it gets worse, before the price we have to pay is too much. It still doesn't make the pain any less painless.

There are many different types of pain - physical, as in the case of a broken bone; emotional, as in the case of a broken heart; spiritual, as in the case of a broken faith.

Pain can serve as a motivator. Imagine if you did not feel the heat of an impending burn and did not let go of a hot pan in time.

Oh bother, all that nonsense above just so I could include this link: Swearing serves a purpose - see honey, I told you. I'm thinking I may have to resort to a more colorful vocabulary. What? It's for medicinal purposes.

The truth is Pain is a pain. The End.

Listen to your heart

2011-03-16T22:02:00.001-06:00

So this morning Ellie announced that she wished she had a parrot instead of Bluey the fish.

I mean fish don't even fatch(sic) anyfing. Do you fink I could have one.

Pros and cons of parrot ownership were discussed.

But mom, parrots are so bee-yootiful. At night I would just keep him on my nightstand, not to snuggle, but just to look at him.

Various barriers to entry of ownership, namely exorbitant price and the animal's comfort, were also discussed.

I bet dad would give you a fousand of dollars.

It was made clear that dad would not, in fact, hand over such a sum of money for a bird, no matter how beautiful or soft its feathers.

Not to be deterred she added, I know. I have goggles, you could frow money in the pool, and I'll go under water and get it.

And then she figured out that it would be more underwater time than she'd thought.

So do you fink I could get a porcupine instead?
****
On the way to the grocery store we were discussing manners and how she could politely ask the cashier for a balloon.

I should say please and may I.

Yes, that's polite and it's nice to be polite.

Yeah, so you don't make dat one guy happy.

Who?

You know dat guy what likes it when you say bad words. Not Jesus.

Satan?

Yeah. Wait, you know him?
****
Now, as for listening to your heart. I mean literally. Does it speak to you? Lately mine does. If I get moving quickly, it whispers loudly, "Ea-sy, Ea-sy, Ea-sy," in my ear, I can hear it. I don't know about you, but I'm rather inclined to listen to that voice. Then I breathe deep, slow breaths and the whisper gently fades away into a peaceful, happy heart.

Neck/back update: numbness is still spreading (all the way to back of my hand), I have a dull ache in the top of my forearm and in my triceps, and my hand still falls asleep instantly when ever I lean forward. Also, the past few days I've had numbness in my lips, teeth and tip of my tongue (possibly medicine related). The pain is more of an always present, dull ache instead of the stabbing/twisting of a knife type. So, there's that. I'm not complaining, just recording.

One of my favorite Ellie stories so far

2011-03-13T08:20:00.000-06:00

Those of you who don't tweet miss some of her most candid moments. This week she came up to me, in a bumbling-about/who-turned-off-the-lights, measured sort of way and then said, How do you like it? I'm all ready for biking:

Then last night, just before we'd remembered my year long quest to make birthdays more special (monthly dates with the kids on or about the date of their bday) and that it was Ellie's turn, she came up to me and said, I'm a Mammothiphant or an Elliemammoth:

But that's not the best part of last night. No, the best part was that Mr. O got to see what every second of every minute with Ellie in the car with you is like for me. They dropped me off at the pharmacy, while they returned a movie and when they picked me up afterwards, she started in

Mom, could I tell you a gross fing-gee about a little child who's just two?

Yes, you could tell me a gross thing about a little child who's just two. (I am at this point, already smiling in anticipation)

Well, there was this girl who was just two and she sticked both her fingers in her nose, all the way up her nose (she placed her fingers alongside each nostril for effect). So far up, her fingers got cut off from surgery and she bleeded, and she died.

Me (stifling laughter, because this is some pretty serious business): Oh? Where did you hear about this? From a friend? (I should so know better)

Oh no, it was on this show I sawed on TV called "Sad Stuff What Happens to Little People". And do you know what else was on that show?

How did you see this show, I watch TV with you and I've never seen this show? (still straight-faced, I'm such a tease sometimes)

Well you and dad were on your date night and Spielberg was upstairs and Michelle and Nicole were playing with friends and I sawed it. Do you know what else was on that show, mom? This one's not gross, only sad. There was this baby who was just barely four....

Wait, this baby was four?

No, she was just barely BORNed and she touched a forn (thorn) and it went all the way frew her finger and her mom had to get a needle. No two needles. Her mom had to get two needles and stick them all the way under her fingernail to take that forn out and her nail comed off. Isn't that sad?

Yes, that is so sad. (I had tears, people)

At this point I busted a gut. Not to say that babies' fingernails coming off isn't a very sad thing indeed, it is, but you had to see Ellie's delivery. The entire evening went on in this vein, and at one point I looked at Mr. O and said, That little girl right there is our Retirement Plan. He agreed - we'll never get bored with her around.

Which reminds me of this:

And now if you'll excuse me, my ears need a nap.

Numb-ditty, numb-ditty, numb, numb, numb (Dr. Seuss, represent)

2011-03-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the best day I've had so far since the whole neck/back thing started. I had the least amount of numbness, I mean the same area is still numb, just not as frequently.

So of course I started a project. I have 50 of 400 yoyos completed. I figure the girls will now have something quiet to do while I read to them (actually, it's sort of addicting so it doesn't count as slave labor...no, it's really more of a drug-pushing thing).

And of course today the numbness is trying to come back, and the pain is now on my left side. But hey, I squeezed in all the cutting out for Nicole and Ellie's quilts. Happy Wednesday!

Ellie-ism:

Mom, sometimes I go "puh-beet, puh-beet" so strangers won't know I'm really a special grasshopper.

You are here, AND you are in Heaven

2011-03-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

This medicine that is supposed to be helping with the numbness has a couple of interesting side effects, one of which is gaining insane amounts of weight (hate) and the another of which is hours long, crazy realistic dreams.

These past few nights have felt like all night movie marathons what with the dreams. One night it was a very detailed dream about Thanksgiving dinner with some friends of ours, another it was me and Mr. O on a trip with someone I've never met (and a couple of her friends) wherein I always ended up cleaning the most disgusting toilets and bathtubs (I don't know, either), and last night's was the most disturbing and interesting of all.

So disturbing, in fact, that I called my mother and made her go downstairs to check on my grandmother at 6:30 in the morning. I will relate a little of it here.

I was at my Mom's house, where my grandmother is currently living. An aunt of mine, her mother, and some friend's of my grandmother came over to see her. They were visiting with my grandma when all of the sudden, my mom jumps up and says, "Your dad told me to get him immediately if this happened."

I turned to look at my grandma and her eyes were closed, her breathing was labored (I understood that this was because her liver was failing). My mom returned, but after what seemed like a long time and I still hadn't seen my dad show up I ran to get him. He looked awful as if he couldn't face seeing his mother so close to dying. He finally comes with me and surprise! false alarm, my grandma was fine.

It was decided that I should take her and my son Ty up to Salt Lake one last time. By myself. With my son who cannot walk and for some reason I decide it would be good to carry him rather than take his wheelchair So we get on the commuter line to go downtown, only it's more like an amusement park ride with canoes on rails. My grandmother sits at the back of our canoe, I in the front, with Ty laying in the bottom of the boat between us. My grandma can tell she's not doing well and starts to climb to the front of the boat. I hold her in my lap, looking back at Ty and wondering how I am going to manage getting all three of us off the boat when we reach our destination.

I continue to hold her in my lap, her head resting against my shoulder while we ride to the top of the hill. When we arrive at our destination, the Bonneville Room (which in real life is not at the top of a hill, but smack in the middle of downtown), the ride passes through the building and I plead with the staff to help me get everyone off our canoe. We lay my grandma down gently on the floor and Ty is up on a couch. They clear the room and my grandma starts to whisper in another language. The staff notices and starts to listen and write it down, they check it on a translation key and tell me what she said. Unfortunately, she lapses into silence and we only caught a snippet of the last little bit.

I think about how I should contact everyone, her children, and let them know what is happening, but I have no phone. A kind woman lends me hers, I call home, but when I look up everyone is already there. I notice my grandma's eyes are open so I tell her my dad and uncle are there.

She has a far away look in her eyes, gets excited and says, "Oh good, George and Stephen are in Heaven!" I look at her eyes again and notice that one has the appearance of a normal eye, but the other has differently shaped pupil and is more intense in its blueness. I tell her, "No, grandma. You are here, and you are in Heaven."

And then my dream continues for another hour or so (with details about some dates, specific people and events and at one point she is standing up and tells those of us present (seen and unseen), "I am here, and I am in Heaven."), and ends when someone realizes she is starting to pass and mentions that they should remove her wedding ring. My aunt N~ reaches over and slides off her wedding band, the life drains out of my grandma, and I wake up.

In a panic. Everything had felt so real. I reach over and see that the time is 6:36 AM, but the dream is so real that I must know if my grandma is okay. So I call my mother, and luckily she is awake (I know I wouldn't appreciate being awakened at that hour), and I talk her into venturing down two flights of stairs to check on her. She is fine.

My mom goes back upstairs to her room, and I tell her almost all of my dream, but there are some parts I've kept to myself and Mr. O.

Do you ever dream like this?

This hole with a side of TMI

2011-03-04T22:17:00.002-07:00

I keep writing, then backspacing, deleting. Words failing me right and left lately, I just feel like one great big complainer, and really I have no reason to complain. We are doing alright - we have health insurance, a pretty nice roof over our heads, indoor plumbing (hallelujah!), a full pantry (when I remember to stock it) and that's a sight better than some.

But then there is this constant companion I've had since December: PAIN.

I've traded one pain for another and now I wish I could have a do over. I'd much rather spend the rest of my life with a very confused uterus (mine always thought it would be nice to get out, have a look around) than to deal with the daily pain. The strange thing is I did pretty well after my hysterectomy, suffering only bladder spasms (with the word "only" being the biggest understatement of my life) and the pain you experience while the gas from the laparatomy works it's way out. The pain meds for that masked a much bigger problem.

I have three herniated disks, as well as degenerative disk disease in my neck, and canal stenosis. Currently, this causes me severe pain near my right shoulder blade, sometimes radiating up the side of neck and down my arm, making some of the fingers (and even my entire hand) on my right hand go numb. So far the effect of the steroid shot has not kicked in and neither has the new medication, which btw, the front office staff bungled completely, and had me jumping in with both feet to a med that one first dips a toe in the water, then wades in to their knees, and finally-if all looks well-takes the plunge. (I mean no wonder I felt like puking myself inside out).

I realize just how much I've taken my body for granted. Feeling pain is exhausting and therefore quite depressing. To go from lifting weights and some form of cardio every day to losing sensation in your fingers, hand and sometimes pain in your triceps/biceps area is just plain lousy. It's a burden pressing down on me and I rather like things the other way around-lifting burdens is much better than to be always suffering under them.

I tell myself I will just will my way out of this. I don't have the time to be sidelined.

There are two groups of people who begin spouting inspirational quotes, one is the Chronic Pain Sufferers and the second well, they are the newly divorced. I prefer to be in neither of these groups, but in any case, if I do start tweeting, blogging, FB status updating with inspirational quotes, please just place me under medical coma until doctors come up with a cure for my condition.

Just reading this post has likely put you all in a coma. Maybe, I'll join you. Let's all have a nice nap, and then I'm going to write myself out of this damn hole. I'm going to win this thing. I'm stubborn like that.

Spielberg an Entrepreneur

2011-02-27T22:00:00.002-07:00

Spielberg is now selling his photography artwork on Red Bubble:

http://www.redbubble.com/people/illplanet

The site allows him to sell and publish his artwork. Most of his best photos are up. How about some custom note cards or posters, framed photos, etc.?

If you're not interested in buying anything right now, would you please consider visiting his site and leaving comments to help get the word out? I'll be adding a button for you to grab and help spread the word. Check back often as he will be uploading more artwork daily.

And if you have any suggestions of photos you'd like to see or images you'd like to challenge him to capture, please comment. As always, thank you for your time and help in getting him started.

I Am Hideous

2011-02-26T01:47:00.000-07:00

And I'm okay with that, sometimes you just have to be, and resorting to sister wives 'dos tends to hide some of your major hair faults. This week an MRI confirmed what I'd been thinking all along - that this pain is not just all in my head, it's in my neck

And, not to put it delicately, my neck sucks rocks.

I met with my doctor on Wednesday to discuss the findings and by today they had me in clinic for a shot to my neck. They used fluoroscopy to inject a contrast and make sure they're hitting just the right spot. My nerve is so inflamed that the doctor didn't think they'd be able to get it, but they did. Zing! In a few days I should know if it's going to do the trick. Gnarly neck shot, eh?

As a small public service from me to you: It's never not going to hurt when someone says these words: "You're going to feel a little pressure, maybe a pinch," but by then you're half nekkid with a foreign object in your body, and it's too late to get up off the table. Much like a visit to the ObGyn.

Mr. O and I grabbed some guilt-free lunch (there is a guilt pass on food for the rest of the day when needles are involved).

I came home and had a massage in an attempt to break up the muscle tension. This always ends with a marvelous scalp rub - thus the mega hideousness. I couldn't see the sense in washing and doing my hair this morning when it was just going to end up all greasified this afternoon. I just have my hair's health in mind, you know. And then I was just too relaxed/lazy/unmotivated to rectify the situation that is my hair. Junior high hair, I believe it's called.

Yes, I took a picture as proof, but I guess I'm not vain enough to keep it to myself. Let's just say that junior high hair might hold the key to the Libyan Oil crisis, if my photo is any gauge.

At least I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Now if I could just convince Mr. O to wear a blindfold, I could probably keep this up until at least tomorrow night. Please, please let this shot work. This pain in my neck/back has gone on for over 5 weeks now, and I'm officially crying "Uncle!"

PS. I have no idea why I could possibly be smiling about the state of my hairs. Except that none of these new developments adds up to cancer. Suh-weet. Have a lovely weekend!

Snow

2011-02-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

These images are from the southern portion of our trip. It snowed the entire first day we were down there, but we were still able to capture some interesting shots (and by "we" I mean Spielberg, of course).
A)

E)

F) Yes, that is a bald eagle

G) (easily my favorite)

Do you have a favorite?

Bonding

2011-02-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

One of my goals this year is to take a trip with each of my children to just spend some one on one time with them. We happened to have a rental car this week since our van was in the shop getting repaired from a minor fender bender, so I decided to grab Spielberg and go on a photo trip. I didn't take a picture the entire time, and I didn't mind at all. It was fun to see his mind work.

Mom, I see everything in pictures, in framed shots. My mind is always composing the next photo.

The first night we headed to downtown Salt Lake. Tripod and camera in hand, we hopped on the Trax and off we went. Just for frame of reference, he snapped over 1000 photos on the entire trip so you are only seeing a small sampling.

We met an interesting couple on the Trax. Ramon, as the name tag on his greasy mechanic coveralls identified him, and his girlfriend/wife were dressed ala (modern) Rockabilly style - he with a slicked back pompadour, she with two-toned hair (hot pink and black-as-night) styled in a Rosie the Riveter bandanna 'do and cheek piercings (ouch), both of them wore gauges in their ears. It was standing room only on the train and after a few stops Ramon looks up at my son and jokes about him taking his picture (oh, how I wish he had), I was standing behind Spielberg and said, "You totally should," and then I laughed. This pretty much mortified my son (which means I must be doing my job right).

Ramon piped up, "Have you ever seen Weeds?"

Me: "No but I've heard of it. Isn't that on HBO?"

Ramon: "Showtime. You look just like the lead actress. People think she is this naive housewife, but inside she is this rebellious lady who gets away with all kinds of stuff. She's brilliant."

Me: "Doesn't she sell MJ to make ends meet?"

Ramon, "Yes. She's like our hero." He uses big hand gestures, funny.

I laugh, "I can give you my autograph if you like."

Ramon: "You even have her smile and laugh."

Me, as the train pulls into our stop: "I'll have to look her up, then."

Ramon and girlfriend in unison, looking first at my son and then to me: "It's not a show for kids. No, definitely not for kids."

I tweeted something about how I just got told that I looked like the lead actress on Weeds and I wasn't sure how I should take it. I didn't even know who the actress was. Within a few minutes, I get a handful of responses that I should take it as compliment because she's "hot". (btw, I do not recommend googling the terms "weeds" and "lead actress" with children present - I waited until my son was sleeping that night).

My son said to me, "What a strange family. I mean they tell you that you look like some lady on TV who sells drugs, is that supposed to be a compliment?"

I told him, "They were nice people."

Spielberg looked at me like I am crazy, "Mom, they had gauges and the girl had cheek piercings."

I remind him that those are just expressions of individuality, and that good people come in different packages.

"But mom, do you think he was high or drinking? Who tells a stranger that she looks like someone who sells drugs?"

I just laughed it off. We walked all over downtown for what felt like a few miles in the freezing temperatures, snapping pictures. Once, he tried to capture the full height of a darkened mirrored building, but could not get enough light into the frame. Passersby would stop, look up and try to determine what was so interesting up there, what were they missing? I found it comical. How many of us remember to look up once in awhile and appreciate the beauty of our surroundings?

We hopped back on the train, getting off near the restaurants. I spied a $20 bill on the ground and pointed it out to Spielberg. He picked it up. I told him, "I should make you give it to a homeless person. That's not really yours."

Later, over dinner he commented that he wonders about people on the train, what their stories are, like the homeless guy who was sitting across from that strange family. He took a bite of pizza, "I mean, how did he get to be homeless? Did he used to have a job? Did he do drugs, go crazy? Did he grow up that way? How did it happen? Where does he go at night? Does he try to find a warm building, or just sleep on the bus stop benches?"

Don't try to tell me that teenagers only ever think about themselves.

On (not) Writing

2011-02-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't taken a single shot.

Road Trip

2011-02-19T09:46:00.001-07:00

Just a few shots from the road (all are taken by Spielberg):

Remind me tell you how someone said I looked like her. Personally, I don't see it.

Beaming

2011-02-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

I really can't help it, my son has a knack for capturing unique images, textures and perspectives, and he'd really like to know which of these images is your favorite. He is calling this series "Urban Desert".
A)

I)

J)

K)

L)

M)

N)

So please tell me in the comments, which image is your favorite (you never know, there just might be something in it for you). Have a fabulous weekend.

Get to

2011-02-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

You know it can't all be good when the ortho takes one look at your xrays and says, "Ouch!"

Surprisingly things are finally feeling a little better - now I can make it until 4:30 before I feel like dying. I think the acupuncture is helping. Now I get to do two courses of steroids. Fun!

I can't tell you how excited I am that after almost 4 weeks, we are going to get to the bottom of this. More later, I can't keep my eyes open just now.

On forgetting and remembering

2011-02-13T10:47:00.004-07:00

Some of you have been reading long enough to know that Ty and I went through cancer treatments at the same time about five years ago. That same year, I made a goal to journal every day, and I kept that goal. It's the only time I never missed a day.

A few days ago, I felt strongly that I should share that time with you. And that maybe, by looking back, I'd finally be able to move forward. Sometimes challenges mould us into stronger people, and sometimes they turn us inward, convincing us that we can go it alone. Entirely alone.

Sometimes we forget who we are and think that God has forgotten us as well.

But it does not matter how small we feel, how angry or hurt we are, or how much we've lost ourselves in the bigness of life, we are never completely forgotten. If we are fortunate enough to catch a fleeting glimpse of our potential we begin to remember, and awaken to a sense of who we are.

I've had a year off from most things religious, and it has been a long, lonely year - one that has swallowed me up. I have felt the pain of desertion, and I have to wonder did I move farther from spiritual things because I felt so alone, or did I feel so alone because of my spiritual deficits?

It is hard to go through major medical issues, and have those you once thought were close friends abandon you. It makes you question everything: what is real, what is only a figment?

The one thing that I know is real is my family, those are the relationships that matter most, and they must be carefully tended, guarded. There is more, but I'm not at liberty to share, so instead I wonder if you'll join me in a year of looking back and maybe together we can move forward.

I'd love it if you'd follow me at Chemo Chronicles, and I welcome any questions or comments.

Bits, Bobs

2011-02-11T09:06:00.005-07:00

We've started family read-alouds again. Mr. O read the previous two books: Johnny Tremain and (I don't remember). Now it's my turn again, and I've realized how selfish I am. I like to do the reading, and I don't want to share. I'd like to think it's because it's something my mom did for us and I'm just keeping the tradition, and not that I'm horrible at listening. Since the kids are getting older, we're reading something a little more discussion oriented.

After a short family study time, we say goodnight to Ellie (who sometimes falls asleep before we make it this far), tuck her in, and the older kids grab something quiet to do while I read to them.

We're reading Fahrenheit 451, and I'm doing a little editing on-the-fly, ahem. It's interesting to hear their questions as the story unfolds.

Our next read aloud is Just David - vastly different books, I know.

Tonight we are pushing out the furniture, filling up the air mattresses, and breaking out the popcorn, pizza and root beer for movie night. Sometimes we have fun in this family.

What are you doing to connect with family this weekend?

P.S. All photos by Spielberg

P.P.S. Easy, peasy valentines (and so cute!)

Ghostly Mountains

2011-02-07T23:11:00.004-07:00

This first shot reminds me of a Bev Doolittle painting, these have not been edited in any way

They are straight out of the camera, and pretty darn cool shots

Taken at dusk Saturday

Birthday Monthiversaries

2011-02-06T11:59:00.005-07:00

If you've looked at my 40 for 40 tab, you may have noticed number thirty-two: "Make Birthdays more special" - let me give you a little background. I did not grow up with big, fantastic birthday celebrations. We usually got to choose our favorite dinner meal, my mom would make it, and we'd get to take the day off from our chores. Although we each had a couple of big birthdays, it was tough to go all out in a family of 6 kids.

Usually we give our kids a budget that includes their birthday gift and allow them to plan their celebration. It's been interesting to see how they choose to spend their time and money, and I don't think there's anything wrong with letting them still have a hand in planning the festivities.

But in recent years, I've felt a disconnect from my kids. I'm not sure how it happened, but bit by bit I've felt that crack widen to a crevice to a small ravine and I want it to stop before it becomes a canyon or crevasse. Maybe I can trace the origins back to the separation during cancer treatments and surgeries for both Ty and I - all that time away from them, handing off the baton of childcare to Mr. O and extended family - but it doesn't really matter how it began, I'd like to mend it up and build some bridges across the gap.
One of the ideas I have, I know got its start from one of the blogs I read (please forgive me, I can't remember whose). Over the course of the year, we are spending time each month on or about the monthiversary date of each child's birthday with them - on a date with mom or dad or both.

Sometimes that date will be a quick run for ice cream, a dinner out, a trip to the bookstore or library, or sometimes it may just be going for a long walk with Copper. The idea is that it doesn't have to be some big event, but lots of opportunities for reconnections, for bridge building.

Last night was Ty's turn and since he's just had hip injections and is still feeling a bit sore to go out, I put the iPod on the speakers, turned it to Yanni (which I just discovered makes him laugh excitedly) and climbed up on his bed with him. Together we danced to the music, he grabbed my left arm with both hands and bounced it in time to the music, or just held my right hand.

Later, I pulled out a unicorn lollipop and gave him tastes of that alternated with sips of water (through a syringe). When we'd chilled sufficiently to Yanni, I switched over to our old standby Queen and broke out the Dr Pepper. He loved it and kept signing for more, I guess it's a genetic thing - this love for the Dr.

We snapped some photos and then Mr. O climbed up there and we broke out the fireworks app on the phone. You should've seen Ty go crazy with his fingers, drawing all over the place. We really should get him an iPad so he has a chance at seeing his handiwork but I'm afraid I'd have to chain it to his bed to keep the kids from losing it.

It was his night, and I think he had a great time. What do you do to stay connected with your kids?

More faves, reading and needleage

2011-02-05T09:38:00.004-07:00

On Suffering and Moving On (a must read) via Rachel Sue

These photos remind me that spring will soon be here: Gorgeous

A fellow friend's inspiring weight loss story and her coming to terms with herself:

Parts 1, 2, 3 (please read #3, at least). Emily is one of the most genuine, beautiful persons I know.

Valentine cookies too pretty too eat From Chocolate on my Cranium

For Writer's Block (which I blame on winter) from TeachinFourth

Quinoa for breakfast? Yes, please (I crave this, and love it topped it with all her suggestions)

I just finished Speak by Laurie Halse Andersen - it deals with difficult subject matter (teen rape, depression), but I think it's valuable for the discussions it will prompt. I want my kids to feel they can talk to us about anything, that we will always love them, even when bad things happen or they mess up. We are all just people, but we can learn, grow and become stronger because of or in spite of our circumstances.

Yesterday I had a traditional Chinese Acupuncture treatment (last time was western acupuncture in my trigger points,) and Nina warned me I might have an emotional release - I guess I'm an overachiever, I had two! Poor, Mr. O, but oh my, did it relax me.

I am still smelling of Icy Hot, downing ibuprofen, and sleeping with my rice bag but I can see the light at the end of this tunnel of pain. I thank the heavens above for my TENS units (scroll down).

Have a lovely weekend, what are your plans?

A few favorites

2011-02-03T12:08:00.003-07:00

I love these latest photos by Spielberg

Especially this one

Yesterday, Ty had another hip injection, we should know in a few days whether it "took" or not. We left for the hospital about 7:30 in the morning and got home close to 6 PM. Then Mr. O took the two youngest to the doctor - turns out one is flu-ish and the other has an ear infection.

Even though we'd sat around all day doing nothing at the hospital, I was exhausted. The kids were in bed by 9:15, and I was sound asleep by 9:30 - it's just what the doctor ordered.

Guess what, today is Thursday and that means tomorrow is Friday. I can't think of anything more awesome than that. Can you?

P.S. These photos are pretty amazing. Which one is your favorite?

Hickey Conventions - they're not quite what they're sucked up to be.

2011-02-01T21:49:00.006-07:00

Sometimes you may have a cereal/milk drought in your home and so you decide to get creative with oatmeal. And then you remember (only a little too late) how well that went over last time. I saw a quote on Twitter that sums it up well: "Diarrhea doesn't care who your parents are." And it's true, I bear you my testimony of that. It doesn't care that I'm Ellie's mom and tough as nails.

Sometimes you play a card game in which your 5 year old daughter soundly trounces you. And mostly you lay here trying to find some position in which you didn't want to die. Because when you're desperate, sometimes you make an appointment with certain NEEDLES, that in some cases can alleviate pain from herniated discs for a long time - as in for FOREVER.

Sometimes you pick up a fast food lunch for the girls since - remember: bread drought - and as I do not yet own a time machine, Taco Smell it was.

Sometimes you attend a acupuncture session and realize the trigger points (how could there be so many) and herniated discs are just the tip of your bad health iceberg. A dear, long-time friend used her training and knowledge on me, and for the most part it felt good. Except I do rather look like I've been to a hickey convention (from the cupping massage). I'd come prepared to be face down (no mascara). One of the trigger points she worked on sent a sharp zing! up my neck. Sometimes you have to put Chinese Ben Gay band aids over such a pissed off trigger point.

Sometimes you go to the grocery store and you forget you have this big circle mark on your forehead and puffy cheeks from having been face down for the past 60 minutes, that is until people begin to stare and avoid eye contact. But there is a cereal drought you must snap, so ~~martyr on you must~~ onward you go. But look! They have those breakfast claws back in stock, and Zingers are ON SALE!! (it's practically your civic duty to stock up), and while we're at it: french toast sounds good, and English muffins, oh and some hot cocoa to go with it. You see where this is headed, right?

Sometimes you end up with the Checker Nazi who not only throws your bread around like a football headed for the end zone, but chucks your bananas and eggs. AND, doesn't bag a damn thing. Sometimes you just suck it up and begin huffily bagging it yourself until crapnuggets you realize your neck is getting stiffer by the minute. So you have to slow down to 80 year old bagging pace.

By this time you are near to tears, because not only is your neck about to pinch off your head, but you've just witnessed a white bread beating. Who does that? I mean WHO SQUEEZES and then SLAM DUNKS the baked goods without even bagging it?! Checker Nazi, that's who.

Sometimes you are walking through the parking lot in like 15 degree weather, and you realize you have no idea where you parked. Not the foggiest idea, at all. At least you remember which car you came in. You walk around beeping your remote locks but because of the wind chill, it's not working. It's too damned cold.

Sometimes you text your husband because you cannot bear to walk around the parking lot again looking like an idiot about to cry (well someone has got to entertain the security camera crew, right). And of course as soon as he offers to come and help you find it, it jumps out of hiding.

Sometimes, on your way home your husband will call you to see where you are and how you are doing, and you tell him, I am sitting here in front of the gas station and I'm going in to buy a Diet Dr. Pepper (like it's hard liquor, or something). You tell him you just got off the phone with the doctor who wants you to come in and discuss your "neck pain" even though you went in the previous week and it was the plan all along to send in a particular rx.

In fact, you start crying because you realize that the durned ring around the face mark is still there from the massage table, you have major hickey-age all over your back, you have on no makeup (because really what's the point when it hurts to lift your arms and it's all just going to get mussed up anyway) and since you are also an ugly crier you now look the part of a junkie, and without even trying.

And the last thing you tell your husband through your sobs is, "And I just bought every kind of junk food there is." And then he laughs, and so do you. Sometimes, it's the only way.

And then you go in there and buy that Dr. Pepper, you have it coming.

Highlights

2011-02-01T00:48:00.003-07:00

In my experience, don't ever tell Monday to "Stick it" as it will only come back to bite you. Found out I don't have an infection (hallelujah!), but I do have spasms (not so hallelujah). However, the medicine seems to have worked in calming them (back to hallelujah!).

My back problem is due to a couple of herniated discs in my neck. I've spent all weekend plastered up with Icy Hot patches. Ellie hugged me last night and said, "Mom, you smell like a cough drop." She's right, I was rank with menthol. L'eau de Granny.

I remembered that one of my friends has a Master in Chinese Healing Arts, and I'm headed to her office this week for some needle therapy. I am desperately hoping it helps, but if not I still get to catch up with an old friend.

The stars have aligned and Ty was worked into an emergency slot for his hip injection, so back to the hospital for him. Please let this one take.

Oh! We had a minor fender bender which could've been so much worse. Thankfully we were merely clipped rather than in a full on rear end collision. No injuries that we can tell.

I resumed "working out" and danced all crazy like for 500 calories worth in one hour of Just Dance 2. I even topped a few scores, but otherwise I'm going to need lots of practice to beat my girls, not that it's a contest (but it so is).

Today was Pillow Change Over Day, I expect we'll all wake with stiff necks from sleeping on such luxurious, cloud-like comfort tonight. We hold Pillow Change Over Day far too infrequently, but really, it couldn't wait any longer. I even fully stocked the guest room with lovely, fluffy pillows - won't you come stay?

Probably the low point in my mothering today is the fact that dinner was served fresh and semi- warm straight from Panda Express rather than from my very own larder and stove-top. As a bit of an saving grace I did prepare a roast with potatoes and carrots yesterday.

My parents came over to play game of Ancestor Memory Match and to share some caramel popcorn. Growing up Sundays were always caramel popcorn days coupled with watching old family films. This time Spielberg gave a lesson on climbing the proverbial rock wall of life and as all the kids had been recently rock climbing they shared their experiences in choosing the right way and the many different paths one can choose to get to the top. It was a huge hit as a lesson and one this kids will remember. We finished off by breaking out the caramel corn and playing a massive memory match game, learning stories about our ancestors as their respective cards were flipped over.

It was a delightful evening. After the kids were down for the night, Mr. O and I watched glimpses of us on our wedding day. My, but we were thin and beautiful even though our glasses were as big as our faces. And one day we'll be sitting back watching glimpses of our children at their own weddings. Time is just a clicking away.

As an aside: Spielberg took several wonderful photos today, despite the horrible weather and glummy skies.

Love and Stuffs

2011-01-29T16:39:00.003-07:00

And this is just one of the exchanges we had today:

Me (to Mr. O): I'm ready to go when you are, Honey.

Ellie: Mom, is Honey a boy name?

Me: No.

Ellie: Then why are you calling dad Honey?

Me: Well, that's what people say to people they love, that's why I sometimes call you honey, too.

Ellie (quiet for a moment, then with surprise):Oh. You love him?

****

I've been inspired by the annual list Christina at My Topography makes (lower sidebar) and am in the middle of compiling my own 40 ways to celebrate 40. Do you have any suggestions for me? What sorts of things would be on your list?

Hysteramorous

2011-01-26T21:39:00.007-07:00

Which is to say, that there is nothing glamorous about any sort of -ectomy. Humorous, yes. Glamorous, no.

Remember how I told you I received clearance to be all active again? (Well, it didn't include "active" - if you know what I mean.) And I should've known better than to report to my doctor that I felt awesome and hadn't needed anything for pain since 2 weeks post surgery, because my bladder heard that and said, "Oh yeah?"

And here we are a week later, with me having pains like I did with my ectopic pregnancy*, waiting for lab results to come back and in the meantime I get to take something that turns my pee orange with the promise of numbing things up. Sidenote: it's not working. I feel like I'm ninety and I walk like it too.

IDEA!: Glam up cane.

TO BUY: Feathers? Sequins?

The good news is that a freaked-out, angry bladder makes the pain in my back feel like a cake walk. I've got a pinched nerve or strained muscle something or other. I can't believe I was complaining about it, could I please have that problem back (pun intended)?

And lastly, a confession:

I've decided to take one for the team, and I'm starting something for anxiety. My one problem, and it's a doozy, with anti-anxiety/anti-depressants is that those I've tried have left me feeling depressed--in the sense that nothing sounds interesting besides chocolate: not people, not showers, not even crawling out of bed--and yet, strangely, they render me completely tearless. I become Robot Chocolate Mom.

This is my dilemma, because in taking anti-anxiety meds, I literally lose myself.

I know this means that maybe I haven't found just the right fit yet, but maybe it says something that I am still willing to try. At any rate, Robot Chocolate Mom is preferable to Beyotchy Mom, right?

What would you do?

* in case you are wondering this feels similar to a twisting knife in your nethers, or like someone is trying to make fresh-squeezed OJ from your organs, or like a angry leprechaun is tap-tap-tappiting a wicked jig on your ovaries...

Third Time Is The Charm

2011-01-25T21:27:00.003-07:00

This is where I would normally write something funny about our trip to the hospital for a wheelchair adjustment where we ended up going back into the office three times before we got Ty's chair all sorted out. Only my brain is all a muddle so I can't turn it into funny.

***
Oh! There was that three sentence exchange with Ellie on the way up:

Ellie: Mom, I wish I were a horse.

Me: A horse?

Ellie: Well, a flying horse. Of course.

Me: A flying horse?

Ellie: Mom, don't you know what a Pegasus is? I wish I could fly in the clouds.
***

The third time I made it as far as loading Ty into the van and I was trying to get his seat belt on when I noticed that he was slowly sliding backwards. The chair could not stay upright - this is a bit of a hazard as you might guess - so we headed back in. Again.

A one hour appointment morphed into 5 hours and let's not forget the well over two hours in driving time due to a freak snow storm. It was an adventure and that's how we like things around here, but poor Ty's hip didn't care for it one bit.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my insides are crying uncle and I've got a hot date with a rice bag and a gel mattress.

Ah Ginny-bog! (click, click) Ah Ginny-bog! (click click)

2011-01-22T22:18:00.003-07:00

Quick, name that tune. It's Ellie's version of one of the songs we danced to with my girls as part of my first "official" workout.

I found out three things:

1. My Pon de Replay dance looks much better in my head than it does in real life

2. Iko Iko is my new favorite song as it is the only one I can do perfectly and kick everyone's trash on.

3. Watching me dance gives my daughters huge boosts of positive self image because they are definitely better dancers than I am. And if laughter is the best medicine, they certainly got their dose yesterday.

But hey, burning 310 calories in 45 minutes and having a good giggle with my kids...that's what I call FUN.

We played Just Dance 2 (one of my daughters used her babysitting money to buy it, and I have to say I think it was well worth her money). Which song/dance is your best one?

P.S. I think I pulled a kidney.

P.P.S. Mama needs a cupcake

And CLEAR!

2011-01-20T11:40:00.002-07:00

My heart got the very nicest jump start today - I am cleared to start walking, biking, and even try running (with instructions to "Listen to your body" and all that). No weightlifting or sit-ups yet, those are a month off.

But the doc said I can walk the heck out of the treadmill/sidewalk. Really, those were his words. I don't think I ever realized just how much exercise ~~keeps the crazy at bay~~ clears the mind and fills the soul until I couldn't do it anymore.

So yes, I'm looking forward to my daily constitutional, may the peace levels in this home return.

***
In other news, I'm so glad I took Ellie along on the canal trail this past year since it is all torn up now and in the process of being buried and then paved over. I will miss the wildflowers, the mossy smell and the little duck families on the banks. I'm not sure the quicker, smoother ride is a fair trade.

***
In still more other news, or rather other observations ~

Just when people are at their least lovable, that is when they need love and reassurance the very most (note to self: remember this on those prickly days, that you've been there and even though it's hard: love anyway).

***
How are you all this fine Thursday? Any fun weekend plans?

Vase

2011-01-19T20:52:00.002-07:00

Made by my nephew Stephen, enjoyed by us

Can't wait to fill it with a little bit of Spring.

Cotton Candy Rain

2011-01-17T23:19:00.002-07:00

Just when I think I can't take it anymore (the cold, the foul air, the everything that is January) it surprises me and hands out a warm reprieve.

I picked the girls up from dance clinic after restocking my stationery supplies (note cards, pens, and chocolate), and headed towards home. Life is back in full swing.

I've been a real prize these days, I have no real problems to speak of and yet I complain and yes, I yell. It's embarrassing - these posts since right before Christmas 'til now - but I'm leaving them up, because it's real life. Sometimes real life feels hard even when it looks all peachy keen. It's good to remember that. Don't gloss over the rough times, but don't get stuck there, either.

I've been seriously considering getting my jaw wired shut until my hormones stabilize. It is like the doctor flipped my "crazy" switch to on when he removed my innards, and even though I know I did the best thing for my body, I'm not so sure it was the best thing for those that have to live with me.

I have turned this whole over and over in my mind to get to the bottom of why things are the way they are, but I'm not going to write about it here because nobody needs to have their dirty laundry aired or their feelings hurt. I am going to write it down though so that maybe, at some future point, my children can read it and know that it's not them - it's me.

Just realized that most of these sentences being with I. And that right there is the main problem.

I, I, I.

Anyway, back to the drive home. The sky had that strange dream-like quality about it tonight, pink-tinged clouds hung in sheets just above our town, raining. No, pouring. The pink from the sunset slid down those sheets, and I half expected to roll my window down and lick cotton candy from the air.

Onward, tomorrow is a new day.

Tada! The Corner

2011-01-15T20:29:00.005-07:00

Before:

After:

Now, I know this isn't technically finished, but it's as good as this corner is ever going to get. I'm all set for my starring role on Hoarders in about 25 years. Sorry, honey.

Christmas is finally boxed and put away, the knitting needles and patterns are sorted, the furniture is repositioned, and stuff has been gone through and either thrown away or put away. It all came at a price though, it turns out this is not an easy thing to do while recovering from a big deal hoohah surgery (see also: I suck as a mom, true story). I have strained things in here - in my family, inside of me.

I was snappy and ornery. Actually, downright beetchy. It is like I'm riding the PMS Express as soon as I try to do anything remotely physical. I'm only three weeks into this gig, and I'm so sick of it having me instead of me having it.

I've laid here like a good (impatient) patient and read about 8 books (one of those was even a 600-pager). I'm almost sick of reading. Can it be?

No, I just need to DO something. I need to be able to get out and walk and enjoy the fresh air, no matter how slowly. Unfortunately this valley is full of freezing cold, dirty air.

I wish I didn't screw up so much, I really do. I'm going to apologize and try harder: to be still, to heal, and oh yeah, to just be nice already, dammit!

Alright, moving on. Here is the gift I was telling you about:

My Aunt Moana (who also helps me with Ty and is my right hand these days) made this apron for me. I love it! Please note that I am only 10 days post-op in this photo and I've (mostly) moved on from wearing jammies 24/7.

Well, except for today. I'm too tired to even think about showering. Once again, sorry honey.

P.S. I recommend Matched, The Forgotten Garden, and Tangerine. And since I'll be trying to sit here and be good, which five star books would you recommend to me?

Gratefully, there is only one Monday per week

2011-01-12T13:30:00.002-07:00

I know, right? Things are better and looking upper all the time. My days are filled with reading, playing kindergarten, and of course, plumbing.

My pipes are always broken, and it's not every house that's fortunate enough to have a live-in, purple-toothed vampire who happens to specialize in pipe repair. I am a lucky woman indeed.

Monday Mojo - or the whole pride goeth before a fall thing

2011-01-10T23:30:00.002-07:00

And I was so going to brag about today and my speedy recovery. Miss Ellie and I dressed for the cold and did 35 minutes worth of shopping in approx 90 mins, not too shabby. Only since I'm so out of practice the cell phone stayed home and of course somebody was on death's door and needed me - why, oh why, oh why, wouldn't you pick up?

Answer: I'm a dingbat and forgot about phones and people needing me from time to time.

Then, after an hour's recoup with a hot rice bag tending my tummy, I ran down to pick up carpool. Only guess what, communication breakdown (spoiler: this is totally going to become a theme) and both of us showed up. I felt terrible, this was my first day back and I'd botched it already, again.

There was that lovely 30 minute interval of being invited into Vampire Ellie's Office (the bathroom) where she invited me to sit upon the only available seating in such offices, where-upon she opened her laptop (magnetix box) and proceeded to diagnose fix my broken pipes (bathrooms, being as they are, places of plumbing). She's such a clever girl, never breaks character while in vampire plumber mode.

But then hounded (well it didn't start out that way) the girls into finishing off their bits of homework. People took off in various directions and I thought, Perfect, now I can get into bed and rest.

Only Gotcha! Because instead I thought, What a perfect time to make chocolate chip cookies (the honest-to-goodness from scratch kind)!

It went actually pretty well, but it's also where I wore out my last reserves - of patience, of strength, of energy, of being actually vertical. Only I didn't realize the full extent of it until 7 PM. I do not do well making decisions on ANYTHING past one lump, or two (we're talking sugar here, don't worry too much) when my reserves are down.

And all of us could see it comin' and none of us seemed to have the sense to derail it, most of all - me. I persisted by overseeing the baking of the bacon (425, foil-lined cookie sheet, turn every 3-4 minutes until desired level of crispiness is attained), while Mr. O stepped in and fulfilled the rest of French Toast Monday. I don't know where any of us would be without him. He is the MAN. He really is.

I mean he only left for a haircut and some needed antibiotics and returned to mama's every last spring having been sprung. And so here it is, the deal: I will pace myself.

There are only so many things I seem to be able to do in a day, and clearly they are not the same number of things as 3 weeks ago. Please, self, to remember this. Or I'ma have to ground your butt clear into next Tuesday.

At least after this there are chocolate chip cookies.

Well, it's not THE corner, but it's a start

2011-01-09T13:24:00.002-07:00

Friday was my first day out and about. Only, not really because a couple of hours probably doesn't count in anyone else's book. We had some legal things to take care of now that Ty is 18, and they were scheduled before my surgery was.

I actually, put myself in a vertical position, showered, blow-dried my hair, put actual makeup on (which was pointless, except that it gave me that little oomph towards feeling like a real girl again). And thankfully, despite having my innards all full of air still, I found a pair of jeans I could squeeze into. Note to self: belts with lots of metal, shoes with buckles and blingy jeans are not friends with metal detectors, duh.

I never did make it through the detector without setting it off, thankfully I looked harmless enough and so did Ty (that guy has got enough metal in his body to power a small country), that they let us go up anyway. Good thing too, if I'd had to remove my jeans I'm not really sure there was anyway I'd be getting back into them.

Everything went well, except there was a delay in proceedings due to the traffic jam caused by pothole repairs on the freeway. But the important thing is that things went well. On the way home we even ventured to make a pit-stop for a burger pick-up. Both Ty and I had reached our out-n-about limits, it was time to be home.

I came home, did that burger some justice, and then crawled back into my stretchy pants and under the covers where I belonged. But this weekend I did manage to wash my sheets (I am sure there is nothing better for the soul than fresh, warm sheets), clean the bathroom mirror and shine up the faucets. It's not the corner, but it's a start. And I can be happy with a start.

All of this seems so trivial in light of other very serious tragedies, both in the lives of people I know and those I don't. I know it is. My heart goes out to those people. I am so, so sorry for your loss. There are no words, only love.

The Problem With Tomorrow

2011-01-06T16:25:00.005-07:00

It's the beginning of the year, I just had major surgery, and I'm in a funk. (I had to reread that last word about three times to make sure it didn't say "fink").

Mr. O, bless his heart, has really picked up the slack around here, but well, today is the two-week mark since my insides were puffed up to resemble the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, and some things--namely, the Organic Uterus--were removed, and other things--most notably, not the Organic Bladder because that is the one organ I have that is made of steel, y'all--were repaired, and well, I should be to back normal, or at least normal-ish. But no, in addition to still looking about 5 months pregnant, my energy levels would not register on even the most sensitive of Richter scales. I am most comfortable in this position

I did forget to send in my mail-order prescription for my thyroid medicine, and have been without it for going on two weeks now. Hmmm, maybe there is some correlation between the two. And something about the way my innards are feeling makes me wonder if I got put back together altogether properly. I trust my doctor, I do. I am just feeling bummed out (pun intended, and how).

Around about 5 PM everyday, I start thinking about tomorrow and how it (tomorrow) will be different - how I will take on The World or at least that corner of my bedroom that is an absolute disaster of paperwork, yarn, needles, books, and you-name-it, it's in that corner - because, as you know, World Domination begins with reclaiming corners.

I pull out my notebook and I contemplate lists - granted, I don't actually make the lists I just ponder what I might put on them. Like:

1. Start with the corner

2. Finish with the rest of the World

But then my mind turns to the favorite pen I am holding in my left hand (the hand that would do the actual writing of said list(s)) and I think, "You know, there really isn't enough letter writing in the world. It's a dying art."

Then I start thinking about how I should begin a letter writing campaign, sending off letters to anyone and everyone I know to see if I get any nibbles on the line - like trolling for fish, except in this case, it's for letters, see?

And then I start thinking of all the other things there aren't enough of either, like knitting, or rather, how there aren't enough people with hand-made items from the people who love them, and I start rummaging through all the various projects and patterns at Ravelry.com.

And, oh dear, I can tell by my rambling that I must still have some analgesics (that's Dr. Pepper and chocolate to you non-medical people out there) in my system. Before you know it, it is way past bedtime, so I shut down the computer, pull out my book, and fall asleep with my book light on, never having read a word, but thinking "Tomorrow, tomorrow. For sure this time, tomorrow."

Coolest Christmas Gift

2011-01-01T01:11:00.000-07:00

This is how it went down at Chez Organic. We told the kids that Santa had heard about my upcoming operation and decided to visit us early (you know since we'd all been extra good this year), but it shocked them. But then, the realization hit that Christmas would be tomorrow. So wahoo!

We had the traditional "you may open one present before bed, and funnily enough it always turn out to be new pajamas" thing. This is the first year in many that I didn't sew them myself, and guess what, nobody died! Note to self: store-bought is okay.

We have a lot of Christmas traditions, like eating by candlelight the month of December, or counting down the days with fun activities. But the most important is how Christmas Eve plays out. The kids all sleep together and haul mattresses for everyone down to the basement and then they fill up on popcorn, red vines and eggnog watching movies all night. They have a tradition of watching It's A Wonderful Life and Surf's Up! I do not see how surfing penguins ties into Christmas, but it just wouldn't be the same without it.

We let Ty sleep out by the Christmas Tree (mostly so he could tattle if anyone tried to sneak a peek, but also so he might have a gentler waking up). Under that quilt on which their stockings are laid out, is the family present. Santa is quite resourceful and loves to recycle (who knew?), so he found us a steal of a deal on a competition grade Foosball table. It has seen more action than, well...let's just say it gets played a lot.

At our house Santa leaves one present, unwrapped, under their stockings and he never leaves better gifts than mom and dad. Which, I think, is the proper order of things.

When it is time to open gifts, we line them up on the stairs for the traditional picture. Ty used to sit on my or Mr. O's lap, but now that's too painful for him (Ty). I think next year we will wheel his bed up next to the stairs and let the kids crowd around him.

Everyone received some little piece of their heart's desire. The rest of the morning went beautifully. It felt a little like we cheated by having Santa come early, but sometimes you just have to roll with it. There were so many fun gifts exchanged, but two of my favorites are the Ancestry Memory Cards.

One set contains pairs of ancestors, going way back on both my mother's and father's lines

And the other set contains photos from my immediate family, with photos of us as children and adults. See? I've always had these cheeks, no wonder the filipinos couldn't resist pinching them. :)

My mom made 6 sets of these (maybe even 7 so she could have one for herself), these are the types of gifts I love. I can't believe the time and love that went into making these. My mom rocks.

And tomorrow, if my strength holds up (you know, enough so that I can actually get to the point of putting on make-up), I'm going to post a photo of another from-the-heart gift I received. It is so stinkin' cute.

The best part of Christmas was getting to see both of my sisters who live on opposite sides of the continent, and it never feels like they stay long enough.

What was your best part of Christmas, or from-the-heart gift you received?

Trying to be

2010-12-31T20:03:00.003-07:00

On this the last day of the year, I'm stuck home doing nothing. Scratch that, in this case doing nothing actually equates to doing something - healing.

Despite appearances to the contrary, healing is hard work - especially when you've run out of Dr. Pepper (sidenote: whoever was in charge of keeping my stash stocked, you're in need of some serious improvement, I'm just sayin').

I am a lazy butt and it's driving me and my household crazy. I cannot even seem to get my book read, the words all run together and then I put on my old lady reading glasses (which are really old man reading classes that I "borrowed" from Mr. O) but since I am laying on my side, it's rather uncomfy. And who wants to be uncomfy and lazy at the same time?

Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to be more up and at 'em. I hope your New Year's Eve is a festive one. Party extra hardy (or is it hearty) for me.

Can you smell me now?

2010-12-29T19:12:00.005-07:00

I'm on day three (or is it 4) of wearing the exact same clothes. In fact you might even say that pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt are my new uniform. I know it's disgusting, but at this point, we all should all be glad that I have on any clothes at all, because I don't really care. On the plus side: less laundry.

My spinal headache is slowly going away - I can now be upright for about 3 hours before it hits me again. I'm too much of a wimp to go in for a blood patch. My eyes are fatiguing so quickly that I'm finding myself reaching for reading glasses more and more. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the pain meds or just a part of getting older.

Our neighbors have been especially good to us, bringing food in and such. Thank you neighbors, I'm on a two week restriction from doing pretty much everything. Thank you auntie Moana for helping me so much and of course, the biggest thank you goes to Mr. O who just steps in and does what needs doing (and without any complaining).

I made it to the bookstore and purchased two books to get me through my lazy days. Right now I'm reading I Am Number Four and so far, so good.

***

We had Christmas three days early (which I liked) and everyone got in the holiday spirit. Ellie especially enjoyed wrapping her gifts to us. Everyone got one or two Spanish flash cards from her. It was hilarious, she said it was so we could learn to speak different Spanishes like her.

In the car (which is where she shares her best gems), Ellie said I know who doesn't have a Christmas tree at Christmas.

Mr. O: Who?

Ellie: Satan. Becept he's really naughty.

Sharp as a tack that Ellie is.

How To: Experience books

2010-12-26T21:21:00.006-07:00

This experience book gets my vote for most awesome Christmas gift! Ty's Communication Intervener, Mark, put this together for us to read with Ty. An experience book is an interactive story that relates something from the reader's experiences. In Ty's case it is also a tactile book.

Almost every page has a detachable item that he can feel to help him remember the original experience. Please to enjoy.

Newsflash: Navel Survives

2010-12-25T12:19:00.004-07:00

Just in case you were wondering.

I pretty much feel like I just had a baby (I look like I did, too). They ended up doing a scope-assisted hysterectomy which means they filled my insides up with air - there is pretty much only one way for all that air to escape, and I assure you there is nothing lady-like about it.

They also gave me a spinal block with morphine in it. Holy Toledo does that stuff make you itchy! It's also extremely effective, and I can tell you exactly when it wore off.

I woke up this morning somewheres around 2 AM because my bladder was crying uncle, when wham! out of nowhere I was hit with the headache of all headaches. It subsides when I'm laying down, so I'm betting it has something to do with the spinal block.

My fingers and toes and everything are full of fluid, to the tune of about 8 lbs, but I don't dare take any diuretics for another week or so since my bladder is already maxed out. I totally look/feel like the Michelin Tire dude.

We celebrated Christmas with the family three days early, just in case my hospital stay ended up going longer than expected. Mr. O scored a great deal on a competition-grade Foosball table for the family. It's been a big success, and Ty loves listening to the sound of the ball being hit. Mr. O also spoiled me rotten and gifted me a MacBook Pro.

Reading over this, it's all very disjointed - let's blame the pain meds, shall we?

What was your favorite Christmas gift you received/gave?

P.S. Mr. O brought by a surprise package from Radioactive Girl - beautiful hand-dyed yarn and the cutest cupcake cookbook. It made my day. I love thoughtful people. I am already dreaming up some projects for this yarn. Thank you, Tori!

Some People

2010-12-19T02:09:00.005-07:00

Sometimes I wait too long to take off my wedding rings for the night and then my knuckles are the size of olives.

Yes, it's true, I have Olive Knuckles. I know you're jealous, but we can't all be so blessed.

The past two (make that four) nights I have had my old friends Insomnia and Anxiety over for a visit. I try and try to get them to leave but they insist on staying and chatting me up all night. They don't even get my subtle hint that perhaps they have overstayed their welcome when Melatonin shows up. I tell you, some people are just thick-headed.

I went to the hospital to register for my upcoming surgery. I asked the nurse if it would be okay for me to write a note on my abdomen - "No touchy, no cutty" (they already screwed up my belly button/tummy 20 years ago when I had my tubal pregnancy. I mean let's just leave well enough alone). She said no. I tell you, some people just have no sense of humor.

I get to start a low fiber diet in two days. Um, guys? Low fiber is hard. No fruit. At all. I live on apples and blueberries right now. That pretty much just leaves chicken broth and yogurt. Which pretty much means I am going to starve. (Note to self: eat all the Oreo Truffles now as a preventative.)

I can never pee after anaesthesia (epidurals especially), but I learned a little secret - Coke makes you pee. You're welcome. (Note to self: buy Coke.)

And in completely unrelated events:
Ellie said to me, Mom we shoulda buyed those, what are they called? Oh yeah, Crazy Muffins.

I said, You mean English Muffins?

She said, Yeah, same thing.

Some people are just so clever.